Keeping On
by Gorramit Girl
Summary: A year after the Miranda broadcast, Mal and Zoe struggle to keep their family together and keep flying as situations begin to build on Serenity. Now Complete, but with more to come.
1. Everything Starts

**Disclaimer:** Firefly, Serenity, and all related characters are copyright 2002-2005 Mutant Enemy, Inc., Universal Pictures, and 20th Century Fox. This is a work of fanfiction. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** Mal and Zoe discuss hiring a new pilot.

**Keeping On: Part 1 - Everything Starts**

***

Late one night while _Serenity_ was making her way towards the crew's next job, Mal and Zoe sat in the mess, each with a mug of Kaylee's engine brew.

It was one of _those_ nights…the kind of night where loneliness set in and made a body want another body, if only for companionship and a little chat. It'd been nigh on a year since the broadcast of the Miranda wave…a year since Zoe had lost her husband and Mal had lost both a great friend and confidant.

The ship was on auto-pilot, River having checked in with Mal before finally heading to her room. Mal had sighed afterward. River was an adept pilot. She was certainly no Wash, but she was alright. But her heart, bless her, wasn't in it the way Wash's had been when he flew or the way Kaylee's was when she was tinkering in the engine room...hell, even the way Simon's was when he was pulling the inevitable bullet out of Mal's shoulder. (Or leg. Or side.) River gave her all when she flew – she was nothing if not dedicated, but she wasn't a leaf on the wind, as Wash had liked to say.

Mal knew that he had to find another pilot. Then, maybe he and River could suss out where she belonged. He could tell that she was worried, worried that if she wasn't meant to be a pilot, then she wouldn't have a place on _Serenity_. He would just have to make her see that she did have a place on _Serenity_, and always would. Mal could see that River was adrift – something that could get awful lonely and depressing out in the Black.

Mal looked over at Zoe. She was nursing her mug, deep in thought. She'd let her hair down and looked more relaxed than he could remember her being in a long time…not since before _Serenity_ had crashed and her husband had been stolen from her. Zoe had been Mal's best friend ever since they'd met up during the war. He'd worried that she'd abandon him after the war was over, but she'd followed him.

He remembered clearly when he first met her. She was the toughest, strongest looking woman he'd ever seen. He'd thought he'd done something wrong and the higher-ups had sent another to straighten him out and that he was in for a serious kick in the _pi gu_. As it turned out, her commanding officer had been shot down and their platoon had been reassigned to Mal's.

Mal had never seen a soldier so focused, so intent on what he or she was doing. Mal had thought her to be bit of a robot, until one particularly nasty encounter with an alliance soldier who was terrorizing a small group of children. Mal had gotten the children to a safe camp and when he came back, the soldier lay on the ground, bleeding from his neck, and Zoe was re-sheathing her knife. The look that had been in her eyes as she stood up and looked defiantly at him, the anger and the grief…Mal never thought of her as a robot again.

"Zo? You doin' alright over there?" Mal asked.

"Just thinking, Sir." Zoe said, taking another sip of the strong brew.

"Mind sharin'? A person on this crew gets deep in thought, makes a man all manner of nervous."

"We need to find another pilot, Sir. River does great, but it ain't where she belongs." Zoe said.

Mal looked at her stupidly for long minutes, mouth open but no sound coming out. Zoe caught his eye and smiled.

"I notice things, Sir. More than others realize I do. I can tell that River's been unhappy for a while, but I think she's worried that she'll let you and I down, that we'll think she's ungrateful."

"I've been noticing the same thing, Zoe. Girl's all manner of talented, but her heart ain't in it, not like a pilot's should be. It ain't right, a person should have a chance to find out who they are; who they're meant to be and what they're meant do. The only reason I ain't gone and said anything is…" He trailed off, unsure if was the right time to be having that particular discussion.

"What, Mal?"

That was a rare occurrence. Zoe almost never called him Mal. She hadn't since Mr. Universe, Wash, and Book's funeral back on Haven. Zoe calling him 'Mal' instead of 'Sir' meant that she was unguarded, not thinking like a soldier. It meant …well, Mal wasn't exactly sure what it meant, but he knew it meant something significant.

"I wasn't certain how you'd feel, us taking on another pilot…another crew member so soon. Didn't want you feeling like we was being disrespectful to Wash's memory, or trying to replace him."

He took a drink, swallowing deeply then looked at Zoe, wanting to gauge her reaction. Zoe was quiet for long minutes, just drinking.

"You're a good man, Mal." She smiled slightly.

"Hey, now. Don't go thinkin' that. I'm a mean, bad man. Got a certain following what thinks the same way. And I can't rightly go an' disappoint them, can I?" But he smiled kindly at her to let her know he appreciated the words. He really did.

"A following, Sir? You have a following?"

"Of a sort." He took another drink, relaxing as the alcohol slid down this throat.

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well, there are the people from the bank on Lilac, for one. And that fine young lady named Patience on Whitefall, for another."

She simply kept staring.

"Saffron is another-"

Then Zoe surprised him by laughing. Zoe laughed for a good minute and took another drink.

"Mal, that woman loves nothing more than to see you humiliated."

"She's a rare sort, I'll give her that. Probably won't ever kill me, though." He smiled.

"And why is that?"

"I'm just too damn pretty."

Zoe laughed again and refilled both of their mugs.

"Mal, you sure are something, you know that?"

"Yeah, I do."

They shared another hour of companionable drinking, with a joke or two. Then as they both got up, rinsed their mugs out, stored the wine back in its hidey hole, and started walking towards the bunks, Mal spoke up.

"So, Zoe, new pilot?"

"New pilot, Sir."

"Where should we start?"

***

I hope you enjoy! Questions, comments, and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!


	2. Needle in the Haystack

**Disclaimer:** Firefly, Serenity, and all related characters are copyright 2002-2005 Mutant Enemy, Inc., Universal Pictures, and 20th Century Fox. This is a work of fanfiction. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** Inara sets in motion something that will bring change into her life and is filled in on the new pilot situation by Mal.

**Keeping On: Part 2 - Needle in the Haystack**

***

_One Month Later_…

"I thank you for your understanding, Mistress D'Alma. Your graciousness and discretion in this matter has been a comfort to my worried mind." Inara said.

"All things happen for a reason, _Mei mei_. I will speak to the Guild council and inform them of your wishes and things will be sorted. After all, every challenge is but an opportunity in disguise." A kind-faced woman looked back at her.

"I thank you again."

"_Zhu fu ni_, _Mei mei_."

"And to you."

Inara gave a warm smile as she bid the House Priestess a fond farewell and ended the wave. She re-hung the curtain which concealed her Cortex screen and rose to continue straightening her shuttle up, which she had been doing before the wave interrupted her.

_Thank goodness that is done – for the moment, at least. I pray that I am doing the right thing._

"Ah, Inara! Searching for clients after you little sabbatical?"

There stood Mal, smiling widely, thumbs under his suspenders, in her shuttle. He was easily and positively the most infuriating man she had ever met. By his words, he must have entered when she was covering the screen.

"It's rather nice to hear you knock, Mal, but a shame it only happens in my imagination. What is your business here?" She gave a smile to ease her words.

"Well, if I'm interrupting yours, maybe I'd better go." Mal said.

"No. Please, stay. I was merely discussing a few matters with one of my superiors back on Sihnon before you entered." Inara bit back the "unasked."

Things with Mal had been tense ever since the crew had started to repair _Serenity_ after the events at Mr. Universe's moon. She had not taken a client since she left _Serenity_ back before all of the trouble with the Operative and Miranda started. What was worrying her was that she had not had the desire to take a client afterward.

When she had told Mal that "she didn't know," she had been truthful. Saying that had left her incredibly vulnerable. Inara was uncertain where her life's path was taking her. She knew that she did not want to leave _Serenity_. She also knew that she no longer wished to be a Companion, at least in the strictest sense. One of her greatest joys in her work was helping others, in the meeting of minds and spirits as well as bodies. Knowing that she helped to rebalance a client's mental, emotional, and sometimes physical health, it gave her a sense of purpose.

Inara had always defined herself by her profession, but now that seemed…not enough. With the intention of sorting things out, Inara had requested an extended sabbatical from the Guild. It was her hope that time alone to meditate and search herself would reveal a path to whom and what she was really meant to be.

If she was not to be a Companion any longer, than who was she to be? What was she to be? It was a thought that terrified her…she had entered the Guild when she was 12 to begin schooling and she had been a Companion for most of her adult life. It was all she knew.

It did not help that Mal confused her as much as he helped her. She was undeniably attracted to him, and she knew he was attracted to her. It had always existed between them – the attraction. It simmered and burned and filled her with the most spectacular sensations. But to act on it…Inara did not know if she should do such a thing. Mal did not know either, Inara could tell.

She didn't know if he would ever be able to accept that there had been many before him. And she didn't know if she could accept and give him the complete openness that he would demand from her. She was a very private person in most respects, and Mal didn't like secrets.

He cared for her, she knew he did. He had come to rescue her, even knowing that it was a trap. His taunts and derision towards her chosen profession…they weren't barbed anymore. Now they were just there, as if he were no longer meant it, as if he was just trying to tease her and get a rise out of her. He'd even apologized after saying them on certain occasions.

"I just wanted to let you know that we'll be stopping on Persephone for a few days. We got business to do there. Ship's gonna need re-fueled and Jayne insists that we need more ammunition and the like. Simon said that he needs to purchase medical supplies and Kaylee's been harping on me to give her a chance to fix the co-pilot console on the bridge." Mal hesitated. "And uh…Zoe and I have been talking with Monty and he mentioned that a few pilots he knew would be around. We're thinkin' about takin' one on."

"I thank you for letting me know of your plans. I believe I can find something to do on Persephone as well."

"So, your superiors, are they upset you ain't back to business yet? You have a few regulars on Persephone, doncha?" The smile had left his eyes, though it remained at his mouth.

"Yes, I had- have a couple of regular clients on Persephone. But the Guild is not concerned with my lack of business as of late. It was more of a personal concern than business inquiry. The Guild is very devoted to the well-being of its members."

"I can see how it might be in their best interests to keep their whores happy." He shifted guiltily, realizing what he'd just said. "I- I didn't mean that."

Inara looked away. "That's never stopped you before."

"I shouldn't have said that. It was uncalled for."

"Then I thank you for your apology."

"Well then. I'll leave you to do…whatever it is that you're doin'. We'll be touching down to Persephone within the next day or so. Wash probably would have had us there by now, but River…"

Inara looked up and couldn't help but give a sad sort of smile, understanding how Mal felt. He wasn't the only person on board who had noticed their youngest member's…difficulty in trying to find her place.

"She's lost, Mal. River is trying her best. All her math and calculations cannot substitute for flight school, or a pilot's heart. She takes flying very literally and can't talk to _Serenity_ while flying the way that Wash could." Inara said kindly.

"She's a good pilot, Inara, she really is. She's better than a lot that I've known and she gives it her all. But her heart ain't in it – not like it should be. Hopefully we'll pick up a real pilot, one meant to be in the air, when we reach Persephone. Monty's said he would meet with us and he's never steered us false before." Mal sighed.

"What about River? What will she do then?"

"I figure that's something that we all will have to figure out together, Inara. She has a place on this here boat. We have to help her find where it is. Just wish I could do somethin' to ease her little mind. Girl's been through so much, hate to see her go through this too."

"Finding one's self out in the Black, Mal…it's soothingly akin to finding a needle in a haystack." Inara smiled. His folksy way of speech was something that had grown on her a bit.

"Never did get that particular phrase, myself. Never could understand why you couldn't just use a damn magnet to find it and be done with it." Mal gave his trademark "I'm lovin' irritatin' you" grin.

"Mal?"

"Yes, Inara?" He smiled winningly.

"Please leave."

"Is it time for me to go already?"

"Yes, it is." Inara smiled.

Mal sketched her one of those ridiculous bows of his, turned, and left.

Inara smiled widely as she started to clean up again. After finishing, she lit a few candles, poured herself a cup of tea and sat down, feeling in better spirits than she had been in for a few days. It was always nice to have the last word with Mal.

***

I hope you enjoy! Questions, comments, and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!


	3. Let The Sunshine In

**Disclaimer:** Firefly, Serenity, and all related characters are copyright 2002-2005 Mutant Enemy, Inc., Universal Pictures, and 20th Century Fox. This is a work of fanfiction. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** _Serenity_ lands on Persephone and the crew prepares to do business. Kaylee and Simon have a conversation in which Simon manages _not_ to offend Kaylee.

**Keeping On: Part 3 - Let The Sunshine In  
**

***

_Two days later_…

Kaylee hummed and sang softly as she tinkered around with the navigation panel in the co-pilot's station. It'd been acting awfully fussy lately and Kaylee didn't like it when her girl got fussy…usually meant that something much bigger was soon to go wrong. After finally convincing Mal that she needed time on-planet to fix it, she was taking advantage of the break Mal and Zoe were giving her. Kaylee had a few hours to sort out what was making _Serenity_ fuss the way she was.

It used to be that Wash could have helped her. Wash, as much as he joked around, knew his ships. He could look at wiring and tell right away what the problem was and the best three ways to fix it. In terms of engines and their workings he wasn't much help…but electrical stuff? He was a genius.

Kaylee could recall the times when she and Wash both would have been on rollers, underneath the stations fixing the wiring or stripping it to replace it. Kaylee could also recall the times when she and Wash would be looking over floor plans of a building or security system schematics, trying to find the weakness, trying to find the one spot that would let the crew in so that crime could be done. The whole time they would talk and tell stories and jokes and bond in a way that the rest of the crew probably didn't even notice. It was kind of a novelty, being able to talk with someone who didn't usually need things explained in "Captain-Dummy-Talk."

Wash had been like Kaylee's older brother. He had looked out for her and cheered her up when she was down. Wash had been the one who made her feel the most welcome when she first joined, and had talked her through her homesickness when she had her first few-week trip in the Black. And while he didn't understand everything she said about engines and such, he generally knew most of what she talked about the other time.

She missed him. She knew that _Serenity_ missed him too. Wash had understood her girl like she did. Like Mal did. And as strange as it may have seemed to anyone else (and she hadn't told them on account that they wouldn't have understood), Kaylee hadn't just lost a crew member or a friend or a brother when Wash died. She'd lost a part of _Serenity_.

She sniffled and then shook her head and got back to work. She was still trying to figure out why nav panel was kicking up a fuss every time River or Mal went to lay in a course. She moved a few wires around and shined her little flashlight, scanning the inlays and connectors.

_Ah!_ There it was. One of the connectors had come slightly loose. Without that little connector, the entire panel would go down and the pilot's navigation panel would be working twice as hard to compensate and would eventually short out, requiring extensive work. Kaylee studied the connector, wanting to make sure that it was just a matter of tightening it rather than replacing it.

Sure enough, it just needed tightened. Kaylee reached for one of her tools and tightened the stray connector. She really was going to have to scold Mal and Jayne for just propping their feet up on the console when they were on duty...it led to stuff like this.

She heard a knock and slid out from under the little cave that the console made.

"May I come in?" Simon stood there in the doorway, giving her that sheepish sort of helpless smile that she just loved to pieces.

"Sure! Don't know what was stoppin' ya!" She smiled at him, suddenly feeling cheered.

Simon took a tentative step inside. "It's just…this was something you did with Wash, something that was just the two of you, and I didn't want to intrude or seem like…like I was…I don't know. I wasn't sure if you'd like company." Simon said.

Kaylee was stunned. So someone _had_ noticed. Apparently Simon noticed a lot more than she thought he did.

"You two were really close. I could tell." Simon continued.

"Yeah, we was." Kaylee said, looking sadly over at Wash's chair and the plastic dinosaurs on the console around it. "Weren't nothing romantical about it, but-"

"Oh, I know." Simon said quickly. "Wash would have never…with you." He gave a horrified look, realizing what he had just said, and rapidly continued, "Not that he didn't find you worth…you know, you're a very pretty girl and very sweet…he was just…" He was trying so hard to find the right words, she could tell. "He was in love Zoe and would have never done anything to hurt her."

"Yeah, I get what you mean." Kaylee smiled, this time amused by Simon's chronic ineptitude at saying the right thing. While his blundering certainly could be very hurtful, sometimes it was just downright adorable. "He was a good man like that."

"He was one of the best." Simon agreed. He looked around at the wiring and various tools lying around her. "So…what have you been doing?"

"Fixing things." Kaylee held up a stray piece of wiring. "Sometimes the connector cables come loose and make the navigation panels go all fritzy-like. And when one goes down, it makes the other work harder which makes it overload and shut down." Kaylee smiled; Simon really was interested in what she was doing and was trying to understand.

"And things shutting down usually leads to Mal turning cross." Simon finished for her, smiling as well.

"I'm almost finished. I'm just going to put all this back together and then check the main panel over there to make sure that it's all safe as houses."

"_Ni ke ma_? If you want, I could bring you a drink while you finish." Simon suggested.

"That'd be real shiny of you, Simon!" Kaylee beamed.

"I'll be right back."

"And I'll be right here!"

A few minutes later she heard footsteps and saw that Simon was back, drink in hand. She took it gratefully and she and Simon talked for about an hour on various things while she finished up the co-pilot's console and started to double-check the main pilot's console. Finally Simon had to bid her farewell as he had supplies to inventory before going off-ship. Kaylee smiled and told him that she would see him later.

"Oh, Kaylee?" Simon said as he paused at the door.

"Yeah?"

"You look very pretty today." He left.

Kaylee slid back under the console and got back to work, still smiling.

Simon seemed so…different lately. But it was good different. He was relaxed and had even been able to joke around with the crew. He still had some trouble when it came to saying the right thing, but he was doing so much…better. He seemed to be mastering the art of not-offending-women.

She placed the panel back on and paused when she saw her reflection. Grease was all over her face and hands and clothes.

And Simon…he'd still thought her pretty, grease and all. Kaylee smiled…Simon really did love her. Now, if only he would propose already.

***

_Later, that same day_…

"This is the Captain speaking. For those of you going planet-side today, we'll be meeting in the cargo bay in fifteen minutes, so hurry it up already, Doc!"

***

Upon hearing Mal's dulcet tones, Simon chuckled lightly as he moved around in the infirmary, compiling a list of supplies to acquire while on Persephone. Thankfully life on _Serenity_ had been more or less subdued, at least in the way of jobs. However, fewer bullets to remove and cuts and gashes to sew up and painkillers to administer generally meant less money.

Simon had long since stopped caring about the material items he had once prized. He thought of the spacious and luxurious apartment that he had once owned, even though he rarely spent time there due to his hectic schedule at St. Jude's hospital in Capital City. He snorted…that money could have gone into much worthier causes. The money he had spent purchasing it and furbishing it with the most stylish and comfortable furniture and amenities….it would have kept Serenity in repair with the finest parts and doubled the crew's normal pay for at least three years.

Thrust out into a hard life in the Black, Simon had come to realize that everything he had once thought was important really meant nothing at all, with the exception of River. The important things, he realized, were loyalty and belief and family – especially the family that he had made. Wealth, power, prestige…none of that compared to sitting down with family, doing something good for someone else, or seeing a smile light up the face of the woman he loved…

As much as Simon tried not to care, however, he knew that if he was going to have anything to offer Kaylee, he was going to have to have _some_ money. His only regret in the Alliance crashing his accounts was that he had almost nothing to help start a life with Kaylee. And unless Mal came up with a brilliant job with a nice payout…Simon would have to wait even longer, he supposed.

More than anything, Simon wanted to marry Kaylee. He remembered the girls that he used to be interested in…vain, shallow, unable to cope with even the barest unpleasantness in the world, never lifting a finger to do work for themselves or someone else. Simon was deeply thankful for Kaylee.

He loved Kaylee's perpetual cheeriness and optimism and loved that it gave him hope. He loved how Kaylee enjoyed life and lived each day – teaching him to do to same and not simply follow a droll routine day after day. He loved how Kaylee could ignite a fever within him that he had never felt before meeting her. He loved Kaylee, without reservation or condition.

Simon had spent so long focusing on River that he had trouble focusing on the young woman who had been there for him since he boarded _Serenity_. Simon thought back to that first day, when he had threatened not to treat her and cringed. It had gone against everything he stood for, everything he believed in. He was a doctor; he helped people. He had sworn an oath, and apart from the stun wave he had used at the Academy while he was rescuing River, his ultimatum to Mal was the first time he had ever gone against the oath he had sworn to uphold. It had killed him to go against it, but he had been so desperate.

And Kaylee had somehow managed to forgive him.

He had been somewhat amazed that Kaylee bore him no grudge; she had pulled him aside a few days later and told him that she understood why he had done it. He had told her sincerely that he was sorry for his actions, and she had just smiled that amazing smile of hers and told him that everything was shiny.

Kaylee had become the bright spot in Simon's life. Looking back, Simon realized that his fate had been signed ever since he'd seen her sitting on that lawn chair with that paper parasol as she smiled brightly at him and asked if he'd ever sailed in a Firefly. Simon found he didn't mind so much.

Smiling as he finished his list of necessary supplies, along with helpful extras if there was enough money left, Simon looked around to make sure no one was outside watching him. He pulled out a hidden area in a drawer that he had found his first week on ship – an area he was sure even Mal didn't know about, and counted the money he'd been putting away from every cut of the take he'd gotten – it had grown substantially over the past year, despite the rough patches. He smiled as he realized that he had just about enough to buy Kaylee a ring, as well as have money put away for the two of them – provided he didn't screw up and she said yes.

He joined the rest of the crew down in the bay after making sure that all of his savings were accounted for and hidden away again. Mal gave them the usual planet-side spiel and they went their separate ways after locking _Serenity_ up for day.

Simon visited the shops and clinics where medical supplies were sold, and managed to get nearly everything on his list, plus a few of the extras he had hoped for. It was much simpler, he thought, now that River didn't need anything other than the occasional pain-killer or the even rarer anti-depressant. The pain-killers and anti-depressants were so much cheaper than the medication he had been treating her with before Miranda. It also helped that he knew how to get good prices for things.

Simon, as a doctor, was good at arguing. He had to be, to be able to deal some of the more…unruly patients and their families – and some other doctors, too. He remembered more than a few times back in Capital City when he and the head of the cardiac ward had gone head to head, arguing furiously…the other doctor raising his voice while Simon's simply became quieter and more steady. Simon had always won, which he knew would surprise the crew on _Serenity_ to no end.

His skill at arguing actually was useful on planets like these, where haggling over goods was common-place. Because he could argue, Simon knew how to haggle, and he, like Jayne, always had money left over afterwards.

Simon smiled slightly, carrying his packages back to the ship. It was looking to be a bright time, indeed.

***

I hope you enjoy! Questions, comments, and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!


	4. Over the Rainbow

**Disclaimer:** Firefly, Serenity, and all related characters are copyright 2002-2005 Mutant Enemy, Inc., Universal Pictures, and 20th Century Fox. This is a work of fanfiction. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** Mal and Zoe meet with Monty in a bar on Persephone. Meanwhile, Jayne and River have an outing that doesn't end well.

**Keeping On: Part 4 - Over the Rainbow  
**

***

A large and burly man with a bushy brown beard entered the bar. Some of the patrons called out greetings while others muttered dirty insults under their breath. He was well known in this establishment; no one was going to start anything with Montana "Monty" Henrey. Anyone who did was likely to find themselves on the ground looking for their teeth.

He looked around the bar, looking for his contacts – if he could even call them that. Friends and colleagues, was more like. He'd been surprised when he'd gotten the wave from Mal and Zoe, asking him to meet them on Persephone when he got the next chance. He was even more surprised when they asked him if he knew of any good pilots on the market, so to speak.

He knew about Wash, of course. He'd even drunk a glass or three in the man's memory, because Wash had been a great man. But he had been sure that Mal and Zoe already had a new pilot. He remembered her as being some tiny, pretty little slip of a girl who reminded Monty of a niece he had back on New Melbourne. River, he thought it was. The Doc's sister.

He had agreed and the three had set a date. He would have done nearly anything for Mal and Zoe, given that he'd have never gotten through the war if it hadn't been for Zoe. Mal had always liked to attest that it was _him_, but always seemed to forget the fact that he was knocked out at the time.

***

_Monty looked around to see his men on their knees, hands behind their heads as the Purplebellies beat on Rogers. His platoon had been cut off from their company and was down to only fifteen and hope was looking grim._

_He and his men had been sitting there for hours, taking the beatings and derision from the Alliance soldiers._

_He noticed movement behind where the leader was standing and kept his mouth shut. A soldier, wearing the Independent brown and red was creeping up on him and quicker than Monty could make out, had slit the commander's throat. And then, one by one, the rest of the Alliance special assault team fell, each taken out by an Independent. The leader asked who was in charge of his group._

_Monty spoke up. "That would be me, I'm guessing. Commanding officers were shot down. I'm Corporal Montana Henrey of the 34th."_

_"Orders are for you all to join up with the 57th until Command figures out where to place you. Follow me." She had said._

_Monty and his group hadn't asked many questions until they were back safely in an Independent camp. He'd asked who she was._

_"Corporal Zoe Alleyne of 57th." That was all. It was then that Monty had noticed a man with Sergeant stripes lay unconscious on the ground._

_"Who's he and what's going on?"_

_She gave the man on the ground a look that he couldn't quite decipher._

_"He's Sergeant Malcolm Reynolds. He's in command here until the higher ups can spare someone else. He gave the order to come and rescue your platoon. He was coming with us, but got hit on the head by a flying rock." She gave a long-suffering sigh and Monty had the impression that Zoe was the only one keeping that man on the ground alive. "Man seems to attract bodily harm."_

_"There anything me and my men can do?" Monty asked._

***

A friendship had been forged in the weeks that had followed that night. He, Zoe, and Mal had stuck together until Command had ordered the 34th to join up with the 67th at Prossier Point. Mal, Zoe, and the rest of the 57th had been ordered to go and help with the battle of Du Khang a few moons over.

They'd seen each other on and off after the war ended, once or twice meeting up in Alliance-friendly bars on Unification Day and starting a brawl or four. Mal and Zoe had taken to the Black on a Firefly and Monty himself captained a large ship known as an Iron Ox that he had named _Dorothy_.

The three occasionally worked different legs of smuggling jobs and usually were able to steal a moment to chat and catch up (the time with Bridget notwithstanding). They also shared news about various on-goings of the 'Verse with each other and would warn if trouble was expected in certain parts.

But after that broadcast of Miranda, Mal and Zoe and their crew had been rather quiet and had sent a wave telling him that they were laying low for the time being. Monty had wished them the best and agreed to send them word if anything big was expected to go down.

Monty scanned the bar again twice, before noticing two figures sitting quietly at a table in the back left corner of the bar. He grinned widely, motioned to the bar keeper for a pint, and strode towards the little table in the back.

"Malcolm Reynolds, you sad sack of bones!" He said, approaching.

Mal and Zoe grinned up at him and motioned for him to sit.

"Yeah, I'm a sad sack alright, but I seem to be doing well-enough." Mal said.

"Where's that ornery-ass merc of yours? Usually he's in the bars with the two of you hoping to hit folk with a stick."

"He's off getting supplies with the Doc's sister." Mal said. "Something about needin' ammo and the like…most like they're gonna spend a good fifteen minutes or so drooling over weapons." Mal smiled.

"Trip here go well, Monty?" Zoe asked.

"Yep. I got a good boat in _Dorothy_. Girl will take ya over the rainbow and back again afore she needs repairs. That upgrade that Kaylee swung a few years back was a miracle." Monty said, taking his pint from the pretty and buxom waitress that had walked over.

"She is a wonder, our Kaylee." Mal agreed, smiling in that fond and brotherly manner he had towards Kaylee.

"But ya didn't call me here to chat up, ya said ya was in the looking for a new pilot, right?" Monty said, after taking a great gulp of the foamy and cool drink.

"Here's how it is," Mal said. He and Zoe told Monty about their situation and the plight they were in. Mal mentioned River's growing discomfort with flying. Zoe nodded, throwing in a comment here and there. "So, any good pilots you know of?"

***

River was subdued while walking around the Eavesdown Docks on Persephone, Jayne noticed. He and River had been told by Mal to go and stock up on ammunition and the like, as well as see to the fueling of the ship – both fuel and water. Normally, River was cheerful, if a bit nervous in the large crowds. Today, however, River seemed downcast.

He didn't think it had anything to do with him; he and River got on okay, if not well. So long as she didn't pull a crazy fit and cause trouble, Jayne didn't have a problem with her tagging along to buy ammo and oogle at the occasional well-made pistol or knife. He could tell something was bothering her though, and he wondered what her problem was. A bothered Crazy, after all, was a Crazy more likely to pitch a fit.

He shrugged. _Ain't my ruttin' problem._

"No, it's not." River said quietly.

"You readin' me 'gain, Girl?" He asked, not sounding terribly angry.

"Didn't mean to…you were thinking so loud. I'll try harder." River said, not sounding at all like her usual self, because she usually would have joked that Jayne didn't think at all.

Since the truth about Miranda had been broadcast, River had been doing much better. The occasional crazy fit sprang up every now and then, but even then she could usually calm herself down. She was alright, most of the time. She'd never be completely sane and she'd certainly never be normal, but she was better. Not-Crazy-River was cheerful and playful. Not-Crazy-River was prone to joking around and extreme curiosity about everything. Not-Crazy-River was nice to be around. Jayne almost liked Not-Crazy-River.

"I can tell somethin's up an' I'm a mite curious 'bout it. Ya ain't been actin' right today. Yer eyes ain't all clouded, so ya ain't 'bout ta pitch a crazy fit, so I figures yer upset with somethin'. I don't much like bein' 'round them as are down all the time, so why don't ya tell me what's wrong?" Jayne said, as they stopped at a small stand to get drinks.

"Captain and Zoe are looking for new wings." River said, sounding forlorn. "Noticed that I'm not meant to be a pilot. They have decided to find one who can soar like a bird. If I'm not meant to fly, what am I meant to do? Where do I fit in?"

Jayne took a moment to think over that. He knew that Mal and Zoe were meeting with Monty about something, he just didn't know what. He could understand her dilemma; he'd gone through something similar fifteen years ago when one of his old crews had decided to pick up another gun hand.

"Ain't like Mal's gonna put ya off ship or somethin'." He said, eventually. "He'll find somethin' else fer ya, an' he ain't gonna make ya do somethin' ya don't like."

"What else is there to do, Jayne?" River asked.

He didn't know, truthfully.

They turned and headed for the gun shop that they had patronized in the past. The prices were fair and the owner seemed inclined to give them the pretty girl discount…which Jayne noted (with no small amount of irritation), seemed a bigger discount than the scary and intimidating man discount.

Jayne and River turned and left the shop, bags in hand. They walked in silence for a few moments, which was normal for them. Finally, Jayne felt he had to give her a different perspective, if only to keep her from moping. He hadn't been joking when he said he hated being around depressed and down people.

"Listen," he started, and noticed that River was watching the ground. "Are ya listenin' to me?"

"Listening, yes." She said, quietly.

"Alright. Are ya happy flyin' the ship, River?"

"I am content."

"Didn't ask if ya was content. I done asked if ya was happy."

"Does it matter?" She asked in return, looking up at him with sad brown eyes.

"Apparently it does, ta Mal and Zoe. Hell, they probably noticed that ya weren't happy and decided ta do somethin' 'bout it. Now, would ya rather be unhappy with what yer doin' or have the op-oppor…chance ta find out what _does_ make ya happy and have that pressure of somethin' ya don't like off of ya?"

River looked up at him, bewilderment on her face. She suddenly smiled.

"Jayne is very wise."

"Wouldn't go that far, Girl."

"Jayne is correct. I should take advantage of the opportunity that Captain and Zoe are presenting me. I should try to find my place…but I must be careful not to usurp the place of anyone else." She looked at him seriously. "_Serenity_ would be very upset."

"Yeah, sure. You hungry?" Jayne asked, not sure he liked how talky-friendly they were getting.

"Yes."

"Wanna find a place that has food?"

"Yes."

"I think there's a stand five minutes from here that sells good dog." Jayne said.

River gave a gasp and looking up at him, her eyes started to fill with tears.

"You eat puppies?" She asked, horrified.

_Go se._

"No, no, I'm just kidding! Wouldn't eat no dog." Jayne lied.

"Double negative. You do!" She gave him a look like he'd just kicked a harmless and adorable sleeping puppy.

"No, no! I mean I did, but that was just 'cause I didn't know what it was. Then once I found out I never ate from there 'gain." Again, he lied.

River looked at him suspiciously and then kicked in him in the shin.

"OW!"

"Stupid Ape-Man. Eats little puppies who only want to play and bark and sleep and eat. Apes are mean." She said.

"Yeah, I'm a real _hun dan_. Can we git somethin' ta eat now?" Jayne asked, trying to be manful and not rub at his sure-to-be-bruised shin.

"Yes. But the pleasure of Jayne's company will not be enjoyed."

He followed her to a nearby stand where she bought her own food and drink and sat down. He bought his and sat down at the same little table.

She ignored him the rest of the outing, letting him know that he was currently in deepest disgrace.

_Girls are too damn sensitive._

***

I hope you enjoy! Questions, comments, and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!


	5. Pilots, Conversations, and Dorothy

**Disclaimer:** Firefly, Serenity, and all related characters are copyright 2002-2005 Mutant Enemy, Inc., Universal Pictures, and 20th Century Fox. This is a work of fanfiction. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** Monty talks about a potential pilot. Meanwhile, Simon has an interesting conversation with Jayne.

**Keeping On: Part 5 - Pilots, Conversations, and Dorothy  
**

***

Monty leaned back as he mulled over Mal and Zoe's situation, taking a drink every now and then to help the thinking along.

"Might know of one that'd fit in with you all alright." He said, looking at Mal and Zoe. "Gal's been lookin' for good steady work and I never could turn away a fellow Browncoat."

"This gal fought in the War?" Mal asked, sharing a significant look with Zoe.

"Yepper. Flew in a squadron." Monty said. "She don't quite hate the Alliance like you folks do, but she ain't got wells of love for 'em either."

"What's her name and where can we find her?" Zoe asked.

"Last name's Linn. She's been keeping ship with me for the past few weeks, came onboard about a week and a half after I got your wave. She's a decent sort, quiet though. She fills in here and there where I need her. I think she went off today with Davis to pick up some spare parts for _Dorothy_."

"Tell us more about her." Mal said. Monty could tell that Mal was thinking and thinking hard.

"Came off of Paquin, though she didn't exactly say why. She keeps to herself and follows orders well. This gal ain't a leader; she's a follower, for the most part. It took her an hour or so to get used to flyin' _Dorothy_, but she does pretty damn good for someone who probably only flew a tiny little Jackrabbit while serving. She's pleasant enough, even if she did break a few of Lesley's fingers when he came onto her during her first week with us." Monty chuckled. "I kinda got the impression that she likes her privacy."

"Most women do." Mal said, taking the refill that the waitress had brought him.

"She mention what kind of work she was lookin' for?" Zoe asked, her mind on business.

"Just said that she wanted something that wasn't on Paquin. Flyin' preferably, but she'd take what she could get." Monty answered, recalling the woman's words to him. "She's honest and I ain't seen her have one problem bein' out in the Black."

"She the only candidate?" Mal asked.

"I could name a few others, sure enough." Monty admitted. "But Donnie Berklow is lookin' to retire back to Boros soon and last I heard Ralphie Putzy took up with a salvage crew what contracts with the Alliance upon occasion. And I doubt you could get Marnie Baker; she got bound by law on Greenleaf a few months back and last I heard she ain't been bailed out yet - somethin' 'bout an old crew of hers dealing in watered-down drugs. And the others? Newton, Ellison, Cortney, and Jyegon? You'd shoot 'em all within a month."

"Sounds like this Linn gal would be a good bet, then." Mal said, contemplatively.

"I had a feeling she'd be the one for you all." Monty said. "Though if it don't work out, she always has a place on my crew. I'm kinda fond of her."

"What do you think, Zoe?" Mal asked, turning to her. "You okay with asking for a little meeting with this gal?"

"I don't see that it could hurt anything. If she's the one, then we have a new pilot and if she ain't, then we're no worse than when we started." Zoe answered.

"I agree. Can't hurt to meet her and see what she's like." Mal said. "Monty, can you swing us a meeting?"

"I can have her here within the hour, if ya want." Monty answered, looking extremely pleased with himself.

"That'd be shiny." Mal said.

"If ya can wait here, I'll be back in no time at all." Monty said, placing some cash on the table for his drink and leaving.

Mal reclined back and Zoe went to fetch a Chinese checkers board from the barkeep.

***

Back on _Serenity_, Simon was unloading his medical supplies and updating the inventory sheets, marking new quantities and deciding which would be the highest priority next time the crew was planet-side. He quickly re-counted the money left over from the wad of cash that Mal had allotted him to make sure that no pick-pockets had managed to steal from him. Thankfully, every credit was accounted for. He tucked it away in his vest pocket to give to Mal later.

Simon went to the mess and started pulling out the protein packets and cookware that Kaylee would need for dinner tonight. She had mentioned to him earlier what she was planning on making, and agreed to give him cooking lessons. Simon smiled to himself as he remembered their conversation.

_"Kaylee, I know I'm not scheduled to cook again until next week, but I was kind of hoping that you could teach me…if you could give me cooking lessons." Simon asked, face red with embarrassment._

_Kaylee smiled brightly at him._

_"I suppose I could. I mean, you're a genius and all, but I didn't actually know it was possible to get food poisoning from protein." She said._

_"Until last week I was sure that it was impossibility. Apparently I was wrong." Simon said. "Do you think that Mal, Zoe, Inara, and Jayne have forgiven me yet?" Simon said, depressed, remembering the horrific twenty-four hours of vomiting and nausea that the group had endured thanks to his lack of culinary skills._

_"Oh, I'm sure they'll get over it…sooner or later." Kaylee said, trying to sound reassuring, but failing. "If you want, you can help me with dinner tonight, and hopefully we can teach you to not kill us all when you cook."_

_"I really appreciate it, Kaylee." Simon said. "What are we making anyways?"_

_"Well, hopefully chicken and some veggie-protein. Inara said she was going to one of the markets and was going to pick up some fresh food. It ain't the right season on Persephone for vegetables though, so until we hit a planet where they're in season, we're stuck with protein."_

_"Well, you always make it taste like it's not protein. I'd settle for making it taste like it's not _bad_ protein."_

_"Just meet me in the mess later and we'll start. Now, I gotta run and check on the couplings in the engine room…make sure they don't decide to go kaboom – they've been kicking up a fuss."_

_She kissed him on the cheek and sped off, leaving him standing there with a dazed look on his face, which slowly grew into a wide smile._

Kaylee had him wrapped around her pretty, sometimes greasy fingers and Simon found that he liked it. He hummed to himself, making short work of the task to which Kaylee had assigned him. He paused as he heard very loud and very frustrated arguing…of the Jayne and River variety. Simon sighed to himself as he wondered what it was that set them off this time. For all that the two seemed to get well enough; the two had some explosive arguments.

"Quit bein' such a _nau niu_ about it and get over it!" Yes, that was Jayne being his usual charming self.

"Jayne is a monster!" And yes, that was his sister's shrill yelling.

"Right, like I'm the only person in the 'Verse who ever ate dog meat!"

"Jayne eats puppies! Harmless little puppies!"

"Jayne don't care!"

Simon heard a silence, followed by

"OW! Stupid ruttin' _feng le siu gwai xiao gui_."

"Man-ape is not to be tolerated!"

Simon heaved another great sigh as River, looking both angry and disgusted, stormed past him, presumably off to find a spot to hide for a spell.

"It ain't like I eat every damn dog I see!" He heard Jayne holler.

Simon, against his better judgment (for Jayne always seemed inclined to blame _him_ for River's more colorful outbursts…and every other problem he had), went to make sure Jayne wasn't planning a full-on war against his sister. Jayne was in the cargo bay, putting away ammunition and various other things, limping slightly and muttering darkly to himself.

"Kicked in the shin?" Simon asked, staying a safe distance away from Jayne.

"Twice."

"Boots or regular shoes?"

"Boots."

"Ow."

"Yeah."

"And what was it for this time?" Simon asked.

"Moonbrain found out that dogs are good for more than barkin' and makin' messes. Didn't like it too well."

"Yes, I imagine that would upset her. I take it you've sampled some cuisine specializing in dog?"

"Few times, but never when it wasn't the cheapest and last thing available. I ain't a total cretin." Jayne said, looking at a package of bullets and placing them on a shelf with several look-alike boxes.

Simon tried not to look too shocked that Jayne knew the word "cretin" much less what it meant and how to use it. He tried to explain River's feelings on the matter, wondering if it was too personal to share.

"When she was seven, River found a stray dog on the property. It had snuck in when our security system was down for repairs. He was hurt and she and I nursed him back to health. We kept him hidden for several days and we'd even named him before our butler found him and outed us to our parents. Father gave the dog to the butler to dispose of, despite River's crying and protesting." His face momentarily twisted into a sneer as his voice took on a lofty and superior tone. "No children of mine are going to have a flea-ridden mongrel." He gave a humorless smile. "Our father always was a sanctimonious _hun dan_."

"Then what happened?" Jayne asked, in a 'why-should-I-care?' tone.

"The butler gleefully informed River the next day that he'd sold him to a market to be killed and eaten. He never particularly cared for River and took a great deal of delight in being mean to her. He was…River said that he had a bad soul. Usually loudly and in his hearing."

"That's just…mean." Jayne said. Bein' mean to real little girls was somethin' Jayne Cobb didn't do. And he didn't like anyone else who did it either.

"River cried for hours and hours. Then one day, about a month later, he was dismissed for stealing from us. A few belongs of ours were found in his quarters. I'm still wondering how she managed it, given that she was usually supervised by either myself or her nanny most of the time and that the locks to my parents' quarters required retinal scans and thumb-prints, but she was never caught doing the pilfering and the planting."

"Girl's downright sneaky and cunning." Jayne said, sounding mildly impressed.

"River will calm down, eventually, but she's rather fond of dogs…and animals in general."

"Kinda like 'em myself. Had a couple of hounds back on Kerry, growin' up. Best kind a dogs a man could have." Jayne admitted.

"I'm not trying to ask you for a favor Jayne, but if you could just…not taunt her about it, please." Simon said, tugging at his ear.

"Right, I'll lay off then." Jayne said, unexpectedly. "You both never had any pets? Like never ever?"

Simon paused. "There were some tropical fish in a large aquarium in the foyer."

Jayne rolled his eyes and looked at Simon with what looked like something akin to pity. "Any idea when Mal and Zoe are due back?"

"I…have no idea."

"Ain't good for much, are ya, Doc?" Jayne chuckled.

"Yet I seem to remember sewing you up once or twice." Simon said, smiling.

"Fair 'nough." Jayne said.

***

The Iron Ox known as _Dorothy_ was so large that it took two berths all by itself. Iron Oxen weren't very common anymore, but were good and solid ships that were ideal for transport. Ideally, it took a crew of twenty to crew an Iron Ox, but Monty had good people and was able to crew _Dorothy_ with sixteen…seventeen if he counted the stray pilot he had picked up a few weeks back.

Monty smiled as he approached his ship. He liked _Dorothy_; he had liked her ever since he had first laid eyes on her. He liked his crew as well. More than a few were former Browncoats and the rest either didn't fight in the war or didn't care either way. Each was reliable, too.

Dexter and Lesley were in the cargo bay stacking crates of the farming supplies they'd be transporting to Boros.

"Are Linn and Davis back yet?" He asked.

"Yeah, them two got back 'round fifteen minutes ago. They're probably back in the engine room, putting those parts away." Dexter said. Lesley refused to talk about their recent passenger-crew member…his fingers still weren't healed and still hurt like hell.

"Go and fetch Linn for me, will ya, Dexter?" Monty asked.

"Sure thing, Monty." The young man left, limping slightly as he went. He'd taken a shot to the leg a few months back and Monty figured that he'd have that slight limp for the rest of his life.

Lesley stacked the remaining crates before tying them down securely and leaving the bay, not wanting to deal with the woman who had broken his fingers.

Dexter appeared a few minutes later, a dark haired woman in tow.

"You need something, Monty?" She asked.

"Yeah, I think I found a job for you, piloting, even." Monty said, trying not to sound too excited. "The captain and first mate are hopin' you'll talk to them about takin' on the job. They're waitin' at the bar as we speak."

She was quiet for a long while.

"Meeting at a bar…what else is new?" She muttered, very amused.

"Feel like goin' then? I've known Mal and Zoe for years now; they're good folk and so is their crew."

"Why not?" She smiled up at him. "Ain't like I'm bound by law to agree or nothin'."

"I've got a good feeling about this; I really think that this could work out for you."

"Are you that anxious to get rid of me?"

"I'm anxious for you to start living that life of yours again, whether it's here, there, or elsewhere."

"I am living my life, Monty." She said, defensively.

"Not very well." Monty chuckled.

"Let's just go, can we?"

"Sure thing, just follow me."

She smiled as she walked beside him towards the meet point. She'd been following him for weeks.

***

I hope you enjoy! Questions, comments, and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!


	6. Captains and Crew

**Disclaimer:** Firefly, Serenity, and all related characters are copyright 2002-2005 Mutant Enemy, Inc., Universal Pictures, and 20th Century Fox. This is a work of fanfiction. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** Mal and Zoe meet their potential new pilot. Later, Mal and Monty each have words with a member of their crew.

**Keeping On: Part 6 - Captains and Crew  
**

***

Mal and Zoe waited patiently in the bar, amusing themselves with the game of Chinese checkers. Zoe, as always, beat Mal soundly. Apparently the man could plan heists, outwit foes, and command a majority of the Independent soldiers, but couldn't find a good enough strategy to outwit Zoe.

"I didn't know better, Zo, I'd say you're a reader." Mal said, annoyed.

"Only have one of those on board, Mal, and it ain't me." Zoe replied, smiling widely as she beat Mal for the third time.

"Aw hell, Mal, she whip yer _pi gu_ again? You're kinda useless sometimes." Said a good-natured voice.

Mal and Zoe looked up.

Monty stood there, grinning, shaking his head at Mal's horrific luck at checkers.

And standing there with him was a dark-haired woman, no older than Zoe, it looked like. She was medium complexioned and had very dark almond-shaped eyes. Her hair was long and wavy – almost unruly, and she couldn't have been any taller than Kaylee. She had a vaguely amused expression and Mal noticed the gun hanging at her hip, almost hidden by a dark jacket.

Mal smiled.

"Miss Linn, I believe?" He asked, standing and giving the charming smile he liked to give when starting to negotiate business.

"Ms. Linn," she corrected, softly but firmly. "Ms. Lilah Linn." Her posture was straight and she was looking him in the eye. _She was definitely some kind of a soldier._ He thought.

"Well then, Ms. Linn, I'm Captain Malcolm Reynolds. This here with me is Zoe Washburne. She's first mate onboard _Serenity_. Care to sit?" He gestured to the two empty chairs.

She sat down, and after a second's hesitation, Monty did as well.

"Monty here tells us that you're lookin' for work. Pilot job, if you can get it."

"Yes, I am." She said, accepting one of the four drinks that the barmaid had brought over.

"He also said you flew in the War." Zoe said, finally speaking up.

"I flew a bit, yeah." Lilah answered, taking a drink and grimacing slightly.

"Can you tell us a bit about that?" Mal prompted.

"There's really not a whole lot to tell, Captain. I went to flight school after college and became a commercial pilot. Then I decided to be a good little Independent and enter military flight school. I trained in a squadron, flew a few missions, and got discharged a few months before the War ended."

"And after the War? Did you go back to piloting in a non-killing manner?"

"Actually I got married and settled on Paquin." Lilah said.

"You never said you had a husband." Monty piped up, looking confused.

"That's because I don't. He died about a half a year back. I prefer not to talk about it." Lilah said shortly, taking another drink.

"Can't say as I blame you." Zoe felt a sharp pang of grief and sympathy run through her.

"Would you mind telling us how he died?" Mal asked, genuinely curious.

"I would mind, actually." Lilah said, not unkindly.

"Fair enough." Mal admitted. "What kind of vessels are you used to flyin'?"

"I flew a jackrabbit in the War. I can fly your standard short-range and mid-range shuttles, transport ships like yours and Monty's; anything, really. I don't want to sound snotty or nothin', but I've yet to meet the ship I can't fly. It may take me an hour or two to learn the more intricate details, but I'm a good pilot. I graduated third in my class."

"Third?" Zoe questioned.

"Out of two hundred. I rather take that as a win. The guy who was first was born vesselside and had been flying since he was a little boy. The other had never flown before…he was kind of a savant, I guess, had fantastic natural talent. Me? I'd flown hover mules and cars before, so it was an easy transition." She smiled and the effect was quite pleasing.

Zoe smiled.

"Got any other skills we should know about?" Mal asked.

"I worked as a welder on Paquin, as well as before I entered flight school. I might be able to help you out if you ever need a blow torch handled. And I'm handy enough with a gun, but I'm not a genius at it."

"Do you have any questions, Ms. Linn?" Mal asked. Monty was just sitting and drinking, still looking very pleased with himself.

"If you'd be so kind as to oblige me?"

"Shoot. Only, not literally. I hate getting shot." Mal said.

"Does it happen often? Your getting shot?" She asked.

"Ah…well…you know, that is a very personal question!" Mal said, blustering. Monty snorted.

"As opposed to asking me to explain my husband's death after I'd mentioned that I didn't like to talk about it?" Lilah countered, an eyebrow raised. "I'm pretty damn adept at tellin' what's _go se_ and what ain't, Captain." Zoe couldn't help but smile at that.

"Well…I might have had my share of bullets." He muttered, not seeing the smirk that was shared by Monty, Lilah, and Zoe.

"How big is the crew?"

"There's myself, Mal and four others. Five, if you count our ambassador." Zoe answered. "They're good crew."

"That they are." Monty piped up. "Won't ever meet another crew like 'em. Mechanic they got is a damn miracle worker and the Doc is kind of fussy and prissy but he can pull a body through just about anything. Hired gun is kind of horrific, but he's an alright sort. And the…well, River's in a league all her own."

"Cut of the jobs is ten percent, straight off the top. You get run of the kitchen and your own bunk. We all take turns on the cooking rotation and with chores about the ship." Mal said. He suddenly smiled, looking hopeful "You any good at cookin'?"

"I suppose I do well enough." She said with a shrug. "Your ship, Captain, it's a Firefly, right?"

"That she is. She's a good ship; be with ya 'till the day you die." He smiled, a loving look in his eyes that Lilah could only assume was for his ship.

"I just have two more questions, if you don't mind."

"By all means."

"What happened to the old pilot?"

There was a dead silence at the table as Lilah waited expectantly for an answer. Monty stared very intently at his drink, not saying a word. Mal's expression was unfathomable as he sussed out how to answer. Zoe's face was stoic, and it was she who broke the silence.

"He died last year."

"I see." Lilah said, getting the feeling that there was much, much more to the story than what they were willing to tell her. "Who has been flying the ship since then?"

"The girl Monty done mentioned – River." Mal said.

"And how does she feel about potentially being replaced?"

Again, there was uncomfortable silence.

"Have you even talked about this with her?" Lilah asked incredulously. There was still, more silence. "Or were you just going to show up with a new pilot and say 'we have a new pilot – be on your merry way now'?"

"It ain't like that at all, Ms. Linn." Mal said, taking a drink and then focusing very hard on what was in his mug.

"Is it a frequent habit of yours, Captain, replacing crew members without their knowledge?" Lilah sat back, crossing her arms, studying Mal intently.

"She ain't happy." Mal said quietly, and Lilah was about to lay into him again. Disloyalty wasn't something she took lightly.

But then he raised his head and there was something in his eyes that Lilah couldn't quite place. "She ain't happy flyin _Serenity_. She won't say nothin', but I can tell she is. That girl is dear to me and the last thing I ever want for her is for her to be unhappy. If she was right as rain and throwing herself into the job like someone meant for it does, we wouldn't be sitting at this table, having this here conversation." He sighed heavily.

"It don't matter a lick how good someone is at somethin' if they don't like doin' it. There's an awful lot of unhappiness in this world and I don't like to see me and mine unhappy. Girl deserves the chance to spread her wings a bit, find her place and do what it is that she loves. She can't do that if she's tied to a job on the ship she don't like. She's a damn good pilot, Ms. Linn, one of the better I've come across, but her heart ain't in it and I aim to see her doing something that her heart is into.

"There's a position available and I mean to offer it to you. It just might be a day or so before you can come on-board. I was planning on speaking with River tonight. I just…I didn't want to say anything until I knew that it was a done deal.

"I don't expect an answer from you right away. Reckon it's a lot to take in. If you're at our ship's berth tomorrow at 1200, welcome aboard. If not, no harm, no foul and we wish you the best."

Lilah sat very quietly, mulling over his words. Captain Reynolds and Zoe seemed to be decent folk, and she had gotten to know Monty well enough to know that any friends of his would have to be good and decent people – even if their work was less than legal. She wondered what it would be like to get on the ship, meet the crew, and try it out for a span of time.

"You've given me a lot to think about, Captain Reynolds." Lilah said. "I appreciate the job offer and your being upfront. I do have the feeling that you're not telling me everything and I can't really blame you, but your offer is more than generous."

"Glad to hear it. So, I'm guessing come 1200 tomorrow we'll all have our answer." Mal smiled.

"I suspect we will." Lilah said.

"I reckon we oughta be headin' back, Zoe." Mal said, turning to his first mate.

"I reckon so, Sir." The foursome stood up and Zoe surprised Lilah by shaking her hand. "Always good to meet another Browncoat. Monty."

"It's always good to meet up with you useless lot every now and again." Monty said, chuckling.

The group left the bar and headed off their separate ways, Mal and Zoe rather hoping that Lilah would accept, and Monty thinking up ways to make sure that she did.

***

"You think she'll take the job, Zoe?" Mal asked as they walked back to _Serenity_.

"I reckon she might. Not a complete guarantee, but I think she'll be here tomorrow." Zoe nearly sighed. It was the fourth time Mal had asked since they had split from Monty and Ms. Linn.

"But she had a "yes I'll take it-ness" about her, didn't she?" Mal insisted. "I mean, it ain't like she's gonna get a better offer, right Zoe?"

"You were more than fair to her, Sir." Zoe answered.

"We could make this work, Zoe. She could be just what we're needin'."

"She could also be a ragin' murderess who will crash the ship and kill us all." Zoe answered.

"But Zoe-" Mal was cut off.

"If she takes the job, she takes it, Sir." Zoe said, with finality. Sometimes a firm hand was needed with Mal.

"Guess this means I need to have a little chat with our resident genius." Mal said.

"You really do."

***

"So, think you'll take the job?" Monty asked Lilah, as they sat up on the bridge of _Dorothy_.

"I'm strongly considering it." Lilah answered.

"Mal's a good man and he's honest for what he does. He's got a good crew as well." Monty said. "What do you think about him?"

"Frankly, Monty, I think he's kind of an idiot." Lilah said. "Does he _really_ get shot all that often?"

"Eh, sometimes he gets stabbed instead." Monty said, good-naturedly. "And he's smarter than he lets on. Man commanded every Independent soldier at the Battle of Serenity Valley and held the valley against the Alliance with an iron will."

"That was him?" Lilah asked, amazed. There wasn't a Browncoat standing who didn't know about the Battle of Serenity Valley.

"The very same. So, do you want the job or don't you?"

Lilah hesitated, staring out at the docks very intently. At first she wanted nothing more, and now…

"I- I'm…"

"You're scared. It would be a new job, a new life, and there would be the chance that you might actually be happy." Monty said gently.

"Right, because making myself miserable is my aim in life." Lilah said sarcastically.

"You're bitter, Lilah. You try and hide it, and sometimes you do a _gorram_ fine job of it, but you're bitter. And you try to keep it that way. And now I figure that it's because otherwise you'd actually let yourself start to let go of what happened." He looked at her kindly.

"This'd be good for you, Lilah. You need to move on and let yourself live again. If you don't like it, then you know you always have a place here. But you need to give it a shot and actually try to make it work. You're hurting, and no one's going to grudge you that, but it's not wrong to try and be happy."

"You're pretty ruttin' wise for an old sasquatch." Lilah said. She heaved a great sigh. "Fine, I'll take the job. Worst that can happen is it doesn't work out and I come back here." She smiled, though it was forced.

"You'll do great, Lilah. You're to _gorram_ stubborn to not do a good job. You better go and pack your things." Monty said. "And then you need to have your last meal with this crew."

"Oh, and here I was going to spend some quality time with Lesley. He's going to miss me so much." Lilah said with a wicked smirk.

"Go!" He ordered.

She gave a mock salute and went to her bunk.

***

River was sitting on the bridge, reading quietly when Mal approached.

"Come on in, Captain." She said quietly.

"Can't ever sneak up on ya, it seems." Mal said, in an attempt at humor.

"You wish to speak with me?" River asked, looking at him while placing her marker back in the book.

Mal sighed and sat down in the main pilot chair. He fiddled with one of Wash's guardian dinos for a moment before looking at her.

"You and I both know that things here haven't quite been on the level. I blame myself for not noticin' it sooner and sayin' something. And I blame myself for your feeling like you speaking up about it would be ungrateful." He said. "River, you ain't really happy flying our girl here, are ya?"

River hesitated, looking very sad and sorry before shaking her head, her face down so that she wouldn't have to meet his eyes.

"No."

"And that's just fine with me, River." Mal said very gently. "I ain't got a problem with you not wantin' to pilot."

She looked up at him, curious.

"The truth is, River, is that I don't like seein' my crew unhappy, not if it's in my power to change it. You've been through enough pain in your young life and you deserve and need the chance to figure out what it is that you should be doing. Just because you don't want to be the pilot don't mean you don't got a place on this here boat. You got a place here and you're always going to have a place here as long as you want one. You deserve the chance to be happy, River.

"I ain't claiming to know what you're thinking, but I suspect that you've felt the need to "prove yourself" to me and to the crew, and you've done that several times over. You ain't got to keep doing that, River."

River smiled, somewhat embarrassed.

"Thank you, Captain."

"So…here's what's gonna happen, I think. Zoe and I met with Monty and he introduced us to this pilot. She seems a good sort, if a bit streaky sometimes, and I offered her a job. Zoe and I both think she'll take it. If she does, then you're free to figure out whatever it is you want to do. Hell, I'll help you with it, if ya want. If she don't take the job, then we keep going until we find a pilot who will, and then we'll make with the figuring out for you." He smiled fondly at her. "You ain't gotta worry that you don't have a place here River. That sound fair?"

"Captain is being more than fair. Captain is a nice man."

"_Gorramit_, that's twice in the past month or so that someone's called me "good" or "nice." What's a man gotta do ta keep his reputation as a heartless petty criminal?"

River laughed.

"Captain is very mean and a heartless petty criminal." She said. "The possible new pilot is streaky?" She asked, curious.

"Woman took me to task for asking too personal of a question and then later for not bringing this up with you sooner."

"A woman who could keep Captain in his place..." River said, pondering.

"I'm still the _gorram_ Captain, little missy, _dong ma_?"

"_Wu dong_. Captain is still the captain. But you should not forget the saying that the power often lies behind the throne." She giggled, the effect of which was quite pleasant when she wasn't trying to creep a body out.

"And just who is the power behind the throne, River?" Mal asked, suddenly feeling playful. He vaguely wondered if this was what fatherhood could be like – spending time with his children and helping and being there for them and playing with them.

"The Amazon Queen." River said.

"Zoe. That she is," Mal agreed, smiling. "She's just about the strongest woman I ever done met."

"You're _Serenity_'s father and Zoe is her mother." River said. "You both look after all of us and keep us going."

"We try." Mal said, feeling oddly sentimental. "It's about time for dinner. Who's on the cookin' rotation tonight?"

"Kaylee."

"She's one of the better cooks on board."

"Simon has been helping her."

"Oh, _go se_." Mal grimaced.

"Inara returned from the market and brought real food, and Kaylee will not let Simon ruin tonight's repast." River reassured him.

"If I still believed in miracles, I'd say your brother's a miracle worker, what with the surgeoning and all, but I don't think I'll ever forgive him for the food poisoning."

"He takes so much looking after." River said.

"Well, we got real food, so we better go and eat before Jayne wolfs it all down." Mal smiled, feeling rather lifted, as if a great burden around his shoulders had been carried away.

"Yes, we should eat."

***

It was during dinner when Mal made the announcement.

"Zoe and I thought you all need to be aware that we've started searching for a new pilot. We found one today, and we think she'll take the job, but there's no guarantee. She don't, then we keep searching."

"She good-lookin'?" Jayne asked, clearly interested that a new woman could be on board.

"She's alright, and prone to breaking the fingers of those who try and come on to her without her wantin' it, according to Monty." Mal said with a smile.

"Point is, is that we're going to have a new crew member sooner or later and adjustments are gonna have to be made." Zoe added.

"The warrants on River and myself have been lifted-" Simon started to say, looking worried.

"Ain't gonna bring a body on this boat that'd turn on ya, not on purpose. This gal's a Browncoat and should do well enough. If she ain't the one, then she ain't the one. But you and your sister are safe on _Serenity_, and it's gonna stay that way." Mal said.

"I think it's shiny and all, takin' on new crew, but what about River? She's the pilot." Kaylee asked. Mal could see that she was starting to get upset.

"River and I done talked it over and settled it. We're shiny on the subject, Little Kaylee. River ain't goin' anywhere." He looked over at River. "You ain't, right?"

River beamed at him and nodded. "My place is here."

"Inara, what are your thoughts? You're crew just as much as any of us petty crooks." Mal said.

"It will certainly be interesting." She smiled warmly. "I remember what happened the last time we picked up crew and wonder if this can live up to it."

"I do recall some Feds and some bullets." Mal agreed.

"Who knows? You may not even get shot this time." She said.

"I could go for not getting shot either." Kaylee piped up.

Simon stilled until Kaylee reached over and took his hand, reassuring.

"Hell, things was getting' kinda stale around here anyways." Jayne said.

"Well, we all better start winding down. Whether this gal joins us or not, we got a busy day ahead of us."

"I imagine that's so, Sir." Zoe said.

They all said their various good nights as they went about putting the ship to night cycle. Hatches were shut and locked and one by one the crew fell asleep, until River, the last one awake, lay in her bed.

Thinking back on Mal's words, she smiled, feeling very hopeful. She drifted off to sleep, lulled into dreams by the sound of _Serenity_.

***

I hope you enjoy! Questions, comments, and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!


	7. Signing Onto Serenity

**Disclaimer:** Firefly, Serenity, and all related characters are copyright 2002-2005 Mutant Enemy, Inc., Universal Pictures, and 20th Century Fox. This is a work of fanfiction. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** Lilah comes aboard _Serenity_ and meets the crew.

**Keeping On: Part 7 - Signing Onto Serenity  
**

***

The next day dawned sunny and bright on Persephone – something that convinced Monty that Lilah was meant to be on _Serenity_.

"It's a good sign, is what it is." He said cheerfully, over breakfast.

"If you say so, Monty." Lilah said, trying not to be too irritated. She was not a morning person…not until she had at least two cups of coffee…or, at the very least, the stuff that passed for coffee out in the Black.

"It's going to be a good day, Lilah, I can feel it. It'll be a new beginning for you."

_A new beginning…yeah. The thing about new beginnings is that they always mean that something's ended._

The rest of the crew had drifted off to their various jobs and duties, leaving Monty and Lilah alone in the mess.

"Monty, I have a question about my new crew mates."

"Ask away. I'm no expert on them, but I know 'em well enough, even that prissy doc of theirs."

"Which one is the Reader?"

Monty looked very taken aback; he hadn't been expecting that in the slightest.

"What makes ya think there's a Reader on _Serenity_?" He asked uneasily.

"I heard the Captain and Zoe talking before they noticed us. She said that there was already a Reader on board and that it wasn't her. Who is it?"

"She could have been joking, you know." Monty said, trying to pass it off.

"But she wasn't, was she?" Monty was silent. "There's a Reader on _Serenity_. And since my mind is no place for people to go looking into, I'd appreciate knowing who it is."

"Don't really know if I should be tellin' you somethin' like that." Monty said.

"Monty, please. I need to know who it was, since I doubt they'll tell me upfront. I suspect that Mal would have him or her "read" me and that's no way to begin a relationship, or whatever this is going to be. A person has the right to her own mind and its privacy, Monty."

"It's the girl you're taking over for." Monty said, looking uneasy.

"So it's River, then." Lilah said. She wondered about the girl who was pilot for the time being. Mal had spoken highly of her and he and Zoe both were obviously very concerned for her welfare if they were searching for a new pilot. Monty was extremely reluctant to say that it was her, and it made Lilah wonder if she had gone through some trauma before joining the crew of _Serenity_.

It was a curious notion; one did not get to be a pilot without vast skill or knowledge of flying. There were a few in the 'Verse who had savant-like talent for the job, but very few. And truthfully, if one was damaged mentally, flying a large spacecraft was certainly not an ideal situation. On the other hand, their concern could be for a different reason altogether. She figured she would find out for sure sooner or later.

"It's somethin' they want kept quiet, Lilah." Monty said warningly.

"I understand, Monty, and I'm not going to cause a fuss over it or start spreading the word about it, but I don't much like the idea of someone else poking around in my head."

"I can't disagree with you, Lilah, but it don't change the fact that I feel bad about sayin' something." He looked downcast.

"It wasn't your fault. You can blame my wiles. It's one of the universal excuses." She smiled reassuringly at Monty. "Monty, I had to know. It ain't right to send a person into that unknowing. And if anyone pitches a fit, blame me. God knows I can shoulder it."

He looked a bit better and smiled. "Oh, that's somethin' you might wanna be careful about, Lilah. He don't take too kindly to that sort of thing."

"What? Shouldering blame?"

"No, talkin' about God. Mal ain't a religious man. He used to be, during the war and before, I'm guessing, but he ain't now. I'm pretty sure he still believes that there's a God, sure enough, but he don't like him and he don't think he's out to do anyone any good."

"Have I ever gotten all religious on you, Monty?"

"Can't say ya have."

"Just because I have faith doesn't mean I'm going to go and push it onto others. That would just be a pain in the _pi gu_ and there so many other things I'd rather be doing."

"Don't go thinkin' that you can change him on it, Lilah."

"I really wasn't planning on it, Monty. It's not my place to and I don't have the inclination. Truth be told right now, I'm not very happy with God, myself." Her voice had taken on a slightly bitter tone, one that she usually kept hidden. The only other time Monty had heard it was when she spoke about Paquin and he now figured that it had to do with her dead husband.

"Just keep your mind about ya and you'll do fine. They're fair people, Lilah, and they'll do you good."

"If I thought otherwise I wouldn't be signing on with them."

"Do you have your things packed and ready to go? We need to be leaving shortly if you're to make it in time."

"_Dang ran_, Monty. It's me. When am I ever not ready to leave?" She smiled.

She was going to miss Monty with a powerful ache. He had been a good friend to her, taking her in like he did and even finding her a job that she loved on a ship with old friends of his. Monty was a good man, and she owed him a great deal.

"Well, go and get them then, and meet me down in the main cargo bay. The others can clean this up. It's Lesley's turn on the rotation anyways."

"Oh, Lesley. How I won't miss that cowardly little _hun dan_." She sighed sarcastically and Monty had to laugh.

"Git."

"Yes, Sir, Mr. Monty, Sir."

After bidding farewell to the crew (Lesley was noticeably absent), Monty and Lilah left for _Serenity_'s berth. Monty said he'd go with her for moral support, and then added that it was also to make sure that she didn't turn tail and run. His comment started a bickering banter between them, all the way to their destination.

***

Mal had had everyone get up early. He was subtle about his wanting them up; he made breakfast, his one true talent in the kitchen. He did passably well with other meals, but breakfast – even protein breakfast – was his specialty and something that none of the crew wanted to miss.

As a result, everyone, even (hell, especially) Jayne was up bright and early. Breakfast was enjoyed and the crew didn't pitch a fuss when Mal asked them to clean up the ship a bit.

"Even if Ms. Linn doesn't show up, _Serenity_ could use some cleaning. Ain't right for our girl to be dirty, not after everything she's done for us."

They worked for an hour or two, sprucing up everything from the mess to the cargo bay. Simon was even roped into cleaning, on account that his infirmary was always immaculate.

"Sometimes, Captain, I rather get the feeling that you like the ship more than you like any of us." Simon said, smiling as he helped Kaylee lift a crate off to the side so that Jayne could sweep where it had been standing.

"Eh, I like you all just fine most of the time, but I love my ship." Mal answered with a smirk. "It was love at first sight, like when Romeo spotted Juliet for the first time at the Capulet's party."

Everyone stared at him.

"YES! I've read Shakespeare! I ain't a complete Neanderthal! Now get back to work!"

"Shakes a spear? Who shook a spear at a capital party?" Jayne asked only to be ignored.

He opened up the bay doors and airlock, letting some fresh air – well, as fresh of air as was available at the Eavesdown Docks – into the ship. He looked up to see Inara, who looked completely out of her element while dusting the rails on the catwalk. The breeze swept through the ship and he was taken in by the sight of her standing up there, her long hair blowing gently.

_She's so lovely,_ he thought. _Even said she'd help – and I know she ain't used to cleaning like this._

"I see Monty!" Kaylee suddenly shouted. "And I think he's got someone with him!" She moved back and forth from the bay to the doors, looking cheerful. Kaylee loved meeting new people.

"She dark-haired?" Mal inquired.

"Don't know, can't really see. I mean, Monty's pretty easy to pick out in a crowd, but if she's with him then she's probably dwarfed." Kaylee stepped back to help a struggling Simon with another crate.

"She probably would be. She ain't that tall." Mal said. _Please let her be with him. Please let her have said yes._ He thought.

Monty came into view a few moments later…and Lilah was with him. Kaylee gave a squeal and rushed Monty, hugging him fiercely.

And Lilah was staring up at the ship, her mouth slightly open.

"Well, Ms. Linn, what do you think of _Serenity_?" Mal asked, smiling widely.

Not taking her eyes off of the ship, she answered.

"She's beautiful. Oh, _ni zhen piao liang_."

"I hope you were sayin' that to the ship and not me." Mal said.

She finally took her eyes off of the ship, and looked at him.

"Oh, I wasn't talking about you." She looked past him to see the crew standing around, who were trying not to look to eager or too curious, except for Kaylee, who was still talking with Monty – something about power couplings. "I'm assuming this is your crew."

"Yep, that they are. Why don't you come on in and we'll all get introduced proper, and then Zoe and I can show you the bridge? After that, you can get settled in."

"Sure."

Mal looked over at Monty, who was standing with a very smug look on his face.

"You want to stay for a drink, Monty?" He asked. "We'd love to have you stay for a bit."

"Thanks, but I need to get going. We got a job lined up on Newhall and we need to get on that." Monty said, jovially.

Lilah set her things down and broke away from Mal and walked over to Monty.

"Thank you, Monty – for everything." She said, sincerely.

"You're welcome, Lilah. Take care and try to be happy." He said. "And don't forget to send me a wave every now and then."

"I will, I promise. _Zhu fu ni_, Monty."

He smiled and called out a farewell to the crew, who returned the sentiment. After Monty departed, Mal walked over and closed up _Serenity_.

"Well, Ms. Linn, if you'll follow me this way, I'll give you the tour." Mal said.

Lilah nodded and picked up her bags. She and the rest of the crew followed him. Mal walked on, giving various comments that she tried to take in as well as she could. She was anxious to get onto the bridge and start flying. The group finally stopped in a kitchen and dining area.

"This is the mess, meals are taken here. We have sit-down meals, mostly just breakfast and dinner, and lunch is come, grab, and go. We all take turns on the cooking rotation as well as the clean-up. Sometimes you'll be busy up on the bridge and can't make it to dinner. That happens, we'll save food for you." He clapped his hands. "So, introductions. You know me and you know Zoe."

"I'm Kaylee Frye, and I'm the mechanic." Kaylee piped up, right away. She had a bright smile and the most cheerful demeanor that Lilah had ever encountered. "This is here is Simon Tam," she gestured towards the young man beside her, who was dressed in dark pants, a white shirt, and an obviously once-expensive vest that had seen better days. "He's our Doctor. He's Core-trained and everything."

"It's very nice to meet you, Ms. Linn." He nodded towards her and she couldn't help but smile; Monty had been right – he was a bit prissy.

"Lilah," She corrected gently. "Call me Lilah."

She looked at the big man flanking Kaylee's other side, who gave her a long, leering sweep from top to bottom back to top. He finally met her face, giving her a distrustful look. He wore cargo pants and a t-shirt that read, incredulously, "fighting elves."

"Jayne Cobb." He seemed to grunt his words rather than speak them, she thought.

"And what do you do, Jayne?" She asked.

"Whatever I need to." He answered, with a grin that was more than a little menacing. He didn't trust her and wasn't inclined to trust her…not until she proved herself, at least. Then, maybe, he'd give her a chance, he thought. "Or whatever you want me to." The tone in his voice was implicit.

"Nice hands there Jayne. Big and strong. A man's hands, good with a knife or a gun. I wonder how good they'd be if their fingers were broke? Or hell, if the hands themselves were broken? I mean, a hired gun who can't even shoot…what would be the point of keeping him?" Lilah gave him an even look. She'd broken men's hands before; she'd do it again.

Jayne snorted, muttered something very obscene in Chinese, and looked away.

"I'm Inara Serra." Said a calming voice, and Lilah looked to find the source. It came from an extraordinarily beautiful woman, dressed in the finest clothing that she had ever seen. Lilah had never seen anyone quite like her and was astonished that she would even be with a crew that seemed as rag-tag as Mal Reynolds' crew. "They call me their ambassador. I'm a registered Companion with the Guild." She smiled graciously, though the smile did not quite meet her eyes, Lilah could see.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Lilah answered. She turned to the younger girl at her side.

"And you must be River."

"You have a secret." River said, looking directly at Lilah.

Lilah smiled, warmth in her eyes.

"Most people do. Are you going to tell what it is?"

Looking surprised, River shook her head seriously.

"I don't like to look in the closets...it's not in the spirit of the holiday. I won't tell."

Lilah smiled again.

"Unless the Captain asks you to?"

River turned her gaze Mal, who looked startled, and gave him a dirty look.

"No, I'll trust that you're honest, until you give me a reason not to." He said, reluctantly, looking more than a bit uncomfortable.

"Captain is truthful, but honesty must flow both ways." River said, seriously, looking again at Lilah. "You don't know that it's a secret, but it is."

"Oh, I'll be honest. I don't really have a reason not to be. I ain't done anything wrong or that I'm terribly ashamed of." She said, smiling around, meeting each of the crew's direct gazes.

"Hey! I don't mind if my crew has secrets-" Mal was cut off by the rest of the crew snorting their disbelief, not even bothering to try and disguise it.

_Oh, so_ that's_ how it is._

Mal continued explaining about the ship and its on-goings, frowning inwardly. He couldn't believe that Monty had given away River's secret, or that Lilah seemed so composed about it, taking control of the situation immediately and putting a halt to any notion he might have had about telling River to read her. Hell, it made him feel _guilty_ that he'd entertained the thought, and that wasn't something that he cared for.

"Well then, Kaylee, take Lilah's things to her room. Lilah, let's get you up on the bridge, eh?"

Kaylee grinned and took Lilah's bags from her rather firm grip. She walked off, Simon following her. Inara, Jayne, and River dispersed. Lilah nodded at Mal and he motioned for her to follow him and Zoe to the bridge.

Zoe began speaking about bridge shifts and such, trying her best to steel herself for the sight of a new pilot – a stranger – in Wash's old spot. Zoe wasn't sure why it should bother her so much. After all, it wasn't Wash's old chair – that had been destroyed by the Reavers. They'd replaced it, obviously, but River had rarely sat there. Lilah _would_ sit there – she wouldn't have a reason not to. Zoe supposed that she would just have to do what Saffron said that one time and 'get over it.'

Upon coming up to the bridge, Lilah stopped to take it in. She'd never flown a Firefly before, but the bridge looked homey and inviting and Lilah couldn't wait to take the ship into the air. All her reservations about her new job and her new crew seemed to be overpowered by the knowledge that she would be _flying_ again.

Mal and Zoe watched her carefully, gauging her reaction. Her eyes were darting everywhere like a child in a toy store, before stopping on-

"Oh! Toy dinosaurs!" She said. "There was a pilot in my squadron during the war that used to keep toy dinosaurs in his cockpit. We never could figure out why. Another used to keep pictures of naked women in his – _that_ we understood. Maybe keeping mascots where you fly really is a pilot thing. I wonder what mine would have been if I'd thought to have them?" She thought for a moment. "Maybe woozles."

Mal and Zoe shared a look.

"Woozles?" Mal silently mouthed to Zoe, who shrugged, obviously not knowing what Lilah meant either.

"If you want to take them down-" Zoe started.

"No, keep them up. For good luck, I mean. They ain't hurting a thing." She turned to Mal expectantly. "So. Where are we off too?"

Mal and Zoe looked taken aback.

"Uh, there ain't a rush; if ya want to settle in and unpack, you're more than welcome to. We'd completely understand." Mal said.

"I can do that later. Is there anything keeping us here on Persephone?"

"Not that I can tell." Mal answered, truthfully.

"Then why wait? Do you have an idea of where we're going?"

"The Sky Bazaar near the Silverhold colonies. It's been a while since we checked for mail." Mal said. "Think you can get us there?"

"Is the Alliance anything but a _jung chi duh go-se dway_? I can get us there." She moved past Mal and Zoe and sat in the chair. She studied everything for a few minutes before she worked her fingers over the various screens and buttons and then called up the Persephone air control, requesting permission to take off. It was granted and Mal swiftly moved up to the intercom to tell the crew that they were taking off.

Kaylee came online to tell them that everything was square in the engine room, ready to go, and powering the ship up, flipping three switches, and taking the yoke, Lilah lifted _Serenity_ into the air. Mal and Zoe noted the ease with which she did it as well as smoothness of their breaking atmo to sail into the Black.

"That ain't a bad job, Ms. Linn." Zoe said, impressed.

"Flying is what I do, Zoe." Lilah answered, looking over her shoulder and smiling. "There ain't a thing I love more." She turned back to the screens and called up space charts and maps, starting to plot a course to their next destination.

"That's good to know. Well, just familiarize yourself and play around a bit. Zoe and I will be doing…Captainy things. Give us a holler if you need something."

"Will do," Said Lilah, not looking back.

Mal and Zoe left the bridge, intent on finding a quiet spot to talk privately. There were a few things about their newest crew member that needed to be discussed.

***

I hope you enjoy! Questions, comments, and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!


	8. Mail Call

**Disclaimer:** Firefly, Serenity, and all related characters are copyright 2002-2005 Mutant Enemy, Inc., Universal Pictures, and 20th Century Fox. This is a work of fanfiction. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary: **The crew arrives at the Sky Bazaar and Jayne recieves a letter from home that makes him more than a little anxious.

**Keeping On: Part 8 - Mail Call  
**

***

The crew – now eight – had their first meal together and things were strained at best. Inara barely spoke a word to anyone and Kaylee did her best to keep the conversation going. Jayne seemed interested only in eating and Simon kept his attention on Kaylee and his sister. Mal and Zoe weren't really talking and Lilah was struck by how awkward the situation was. She couldn't help but say as much.

"I used to think that no dinner could possibly be more awkward than the time I ended up eating with my old flight instructor while in the buff. Apparently I was wrong, because this tops it on a few different levels."

The conversation stopped abruptly as the crew took in her words. River snorted and laughed and Jayne's eyes took on a leering glint. The rest simply looked scandalized.

"You had dinner with your flight instructor? While you were naked?" Mal asked incredulously.

"I lost a bet." Lilah said shortly, staring very intently at her food as she picked at it with her chopsticks.

"A big one, I'm guessing." Zoe remarked.

"Oh, you're not wrong." She agreed and finally cracked a smile. "But other than the lack of clothing, it wasn't so bad. I just couldn't look him in the eyes after that. Or his wife's eyes. She was there, too. But that's a story for a different time – one better suited to a setting not at the dinner table."

Jayne began to laugh, a deep rumble that sounded surprisingly pleasant, given his general attitude. "Guess it's good to know that you're a heathen like the rest of us." He said. "Except maybe Inara."

"Oh, I'm a heathen now?" Simon quipped. "I feel so very proud."

The crew laughed and it was as though the ice had been thawed at least a little bit.

***

Retreating into the room that was designated hers (and it was a passenger room, since all the crew bunks were taken – even with River still in the passenger dorm and Inara in her shuttle), Lilah heaved a sigh and started to unpack her few things.

She was nearly done when a knock on her door interrupted her.

"Lilah? It's Simon. May I come in?"

Lilah admitted him into her room, curious.

Simon smiled reassuringly at her.

"I wanted to schedule an examination sometime soon, a physical, if you will. I'm sure that you're perfectly able to take care of yourself, but having a medical history summary and a physical on record will make things much smoother in the event that you're on my table." Simon said, so confidently and smoothly that it never occurred to her to object.

"Will sometime tomorrow afternoon be convenient?" He asked.

"Sure."

"Good night, then. For what it's worth, welcome aboard." He smiled at her sincerely and left.

_At least I might have one friend onboard._

She finished putting her things away and fell asleep on her new bed, still completely clothed.

***

Reaching the Sky Bazaar was simple enough, and Lilah checked at various times during the week it took to get there to make sure that they were still on course. She spent a hefty majority on the bridge, embracing her new job the best way she knew how. Getting to know _Serenity_ was like getting to know someone who you instantly knew would become a life-long friend. If she was honest with herself, she enjoyed the solitude of the bridge – away from the crew, who somewhat overwhelmed her. The crew seemed larger than life at times, and Lilah didn't know if she'd ever be able to really take a place among them.

The result of her self-induced seclusion was that the various members of the crew who stopped by now and then (the notable exceptions were Jayne and Inara, who hadn't visited at all) to visit with her and get to know her mostly found her a bit distant and closed off, except for Simon. For a day or two, Mal and Zoe had serious doubts about bringing her on and they wondered if they'd been too hasty in their search. They still knew nearly nothing about her, save that she was a widow from Paquin, she flew in the War, and had apparently lost a bet that ended up with her dining naked with her old flight instructor.

Inara had voiced her concern to Mal.

"I'm not sure about her, Mal." She said. "She's so closed off and…"

"And what, Inara?" Mal asked.

"She…" She sighed. "She bothers me."

Mal frowned. "What's she done?"

"I don't know, Mal. All I know is that she bothers me, and I've learned to listen to my instincts."

Mal wondered if there was something deeper going on, but decided to let it drop. Things between him and Inara were getting so much better, even if they were still a bit strained and tense.

He recalled Lilah's comment about the dinosaurs. He and Zoe had talked at length about that comment, but could find nothing wrong in it. It couldn't have been Wash, because Wash hadn't fought in the War. He'd said as much himself – multiple times. Hell, Zoe had relented, there could plenty of wacky pilots in the 'Verse who kept toys on their bridges.

Meanwhile, Simon had given Lilah a physical and taken down her medical history, noticing that she paused when discussing her time while married.

"What you say in here stays between us, Lilah. I'm your medic, and you need to be able to trust me. Believe me in this, no one on this crew is going to extract any dark medical secrets about you out of me."

"My health was fine." But she paused, and then taking a deep breath, barreled on to tell him her medical history from just before her marriage up until her first step onboard the ship. He quietly took notes and then released her with a clean bill of health, insisting that she come to him should she have any health problems and concerns.

"Thank you, Simon. I will."

"I finally have a patient who will cooperate." He said, with a wry smile.

"Are the others that bad?" Lilah asked.

"I'm not really at liberty to say." Simon said, still smiling.

***

River turned out to be quite nice. She visited Lilah up on the bridge often, mostly just sitting in companionable silence.

But one day Lilah looked at her sitting over at the co-pilot's station and she couldn't help but smile and ask her the questions that had been popping up in her mind.

"River?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you start flying _Serenity_?"

"She was sad. Lost her Book and lost her pilot. Wash could make her soar and she missed him. I wanted to take the ache away and I tried so hard. And I wanted to prove…"

"Prove what?" Lilah asked gently.

"I wanted to prove that I was useful; that I had a place. If I have a place, I fit in with the family and I belong. If I don't have a place, I don't fit in and I'm lost. But I don't like being lost and I don't want to lose _Serenity_. She's my home and she cares for us and keeps us safe."

"It's nice when you have that feeling of belonging and feeling safe." Lilah agreed.

"There's another question you wish to ask." River said, looking at her.

"If you don't mind?" Lilah prompted.

"Please."

"If you were unhappy, why didn't you say something?" That was what Lilah had wondered.

River smiled sadly.

"Because it was needed. _Serenity_ needs a pilot who loves her and I do love her. And I didn't want to let him down."

"Mal?"

"Yes. He took me in and he cares for me. He looks out for me and keeps me safe, even when he knows it's not always the smart thing to do. He's moral and honorable."

"And criminal." Lilah couldn't help but throw that in.

"Yes, he's criminal." River agreed with a wide smile. "He's a good man. He doesn't believe it most of the time, but he is."

Lilah smiled.

"So, River, any secret tips for flying _Serenity_ that I should know about?" Lilah asked, hoping to make River feel useful. "After all, you know her better than I do."

River smiled mysteriously. "Talk to the guardians…they'll tell you what you need to know. Also…"

"What?"

"You have to love her. It will keep her in the air and keep her flying. If you don't love her, then she won't talk to you and won't pull you through. We all love her. You need to learn to love her as well." River said, recalling that rainy day when she'd first flown _Serenity_ and Mal had divulged the secret that Wash had known as well.

She looked at Lilah as they neared the Sky Bazaar and smiled.

"_Serenity_ doesn't trust you yet, but she's learning to." She got up and left, leaving Lilah to ponder on her words.

***

Docking at the Bazaar was easy enough and Mal and Zoe smiled at each other. It was their first successful trip with a new pilot. They had done the same thing when Wash had made his first successful trip.

Mal gave them what Lilah would later come to know as the usual spiel. Entering the bazaar, the first thing Lilah noticed was a barker insisting that alien life existed. Simon and Kaylee pulled her aside and told her it was a mutated cow fetus.

They stopped and collected their post. A few packages were waiting for them; spare parts that were needed for _Serenity_, a care package to Kaylee from her folks and a letter to Jayne from his mother.

Lilah quickly wrote a letter to her parents, letting them know that this was where they could reach her by post if need be, and left it with Amnon the postal man after opening up a post box.

Jayne was reading his letter quietly, which was strange. He usually read them aloud.

"Jayne, good letter?" Kaylee asked.

"Yeah, just stuff about home." He answered, still reading.

"Your family okay?" She persisted.

"Yeah, they're shiny."

Simon, Inara, and River returned from a few shops, carrying various bags.

"Inara, are you sure that I purchased suitable clothing?" River was asking.

"I'm positive. You're almost 19, River. You should have fun playing with clothes."

"You've got to grow out of those dresses sooner or later, River." Simon said.

"I like the dresses. They make me feel like a girl." River said.

"I promise, River, spend some time with me in my shuttle, and I'll help you dress so that you feel like a young woman." Inara said kindly.

Lilah wondered what it would be like to get to know Inara. She seemed very friendly and kind to everyone (even Jayne) except to her. As far as she knew, she hadn't done anything to offend Inara. She wondered if Inara just wasn't very quick in warming up to strangers.

"So, Amnon, is this all?" Mal asked.

"Yes it is Mal. You really should stop by more often. It's so good to see a friendly face." The kindly man had said.

Mal promised that he would try and the crew dispersed.

They spent a few hours more at the bazaar, relaxing. Mal, Zoe, Jayne, and Inara went to have a drink at one of the bars and Simon, Kaylee, and River went to grab a snack at one of the various vendors that lined the bazaar. Lilah settled for wandering around, having never been to the bazaar before. A certain store drew her eye and she went inside, finding what she was looking for before paying for it and meeting back with Mal and the others in the bar.

"What do you think of this place?" Mal asked.

"It's busy." Lilah answered, taking a drink of her double-whiskey on the rocks. "Reminds me of the _Tai Yang Chun Tian_ markets on Beaumonde. The place never shuts down."

"Spent some time on Beaumonde, have you?" Zoe asked.

"Yeah. It'd be a fantastic place if it weren't for the strong Alliance presence that's overtaken it since the War ended. Place was well-enough without the purple-bellies worming their way in."

"A lot of worlds spinning where that's the case." Mal said. "It's why we keep to the sky."

"Can't argue with that policy. Paquin has much less of an Alliance influence. Alliance don't like being there; something to do with the various parts of the planet that didn't take to the terraforming too well."

"What do you mean?" Inara questioned. It was one of the very few times that Inara had spoken to her.

"Terraforming took well enough a few hundred years ago, but certain areas had to undergo the process longer because of complications. The result was that those areas are now prone to extreme weather patterns. It varies from year to year. Some years there are harsh winter storms and others there are cyclones and thunderstorms that'll turn your hair white. It's too difficult to predict most of the time. It's like a big surprise every year." Lilah said. No one missed the sarcasm in her voice on that last part.

"Did you live in one of those areas?" Mal asked.

"My husband and I lived close enough to one."

"Must have made life a bit more interesting."

"Indeed."

"So, Inara," Mal turned his attention to the lovely lady at his side. "How was the shopping trip with Simon and River?"

"Oh, it was mostly just River and I. Simon darted off for about an hour to take care of an errand. But it went well. River's starting to grow up some and this could be a healthy start for her."

"She does seem to be doing loads better."

"Give her time Mal, and she'll be a young woman before you know it."

"Oh?" Mal smiled.

"Yes, and I imagine you'll enjoy playing the blustering male parental figure who shines his guns and reminds her young man to have her home before dark."

Jayne and Zoe both snorted.

"Think I might need to add a small disclaimer policy what says I'm in no way responsible should River decided to inflict bodily harm on the lucky fella." Mal said.

"It might save you some trouble." Inara agreed.

Mal, Zoe, Jayne, and Inara all laughed and Lilah had the feeling that she was missing out on some little joke between the crew.

"Like the Moon-Brain's ever gonna catch a guy." Jayne finally said, rolling his eyes.

"She's doing much better, Jayne. And River can be very charming when she wants to be." Inara said sternly.

"Guy'd have to be as crazy as she is." Jayne muttered.

"She ain't crazy." Mal said, his voice brooking no room for argument.

"Whatever, Mal. I'm gonna head back to the ship. Got things to do." Jayne abruptly stood and left, and after another hour or so, the others followed, gathering Simon, Kaylee, and River along the way.

***

Jayne had retreated down into his bunk, where he re-read his letter again.

_To My Boy Jayne,_

_Things are doing very well here on Kerry. We just sold three mares and we're certain that a few of our cows will be birthing again soon. I've hired help to help your Uncle and me, and the new ranch hands are fitting in nicely. _

_Your brother Jules is doing well and sends you his regards, as do your sisters and their families._

_We have exciting news that we need to share. Your brother Mattie just got himself engaged to one of the Liselman girls – Cheyenne. The last time you saw her she was probably in pig-tails and ribbons. They've set a date for next year and would like for you to come for the wedding, if you can. I can't remember the last time I saw your brother so happy. He's really grown up and is taking well to his job as a teacher at the local school._

_I hope that things are going well for you on your travels and that your hat is keeping you warm. Please write soon._

_Love,_

_Your Mother_

He was rather shocked at hearing that Mattie was engaged. He had just been a kid when Jayne left Kerry eighteen years ago, and all sickly too. And now he was grown up and a teacher and getting married, just like his older sisters.

That left Jayne as the only one of his siblings who wasn't settling down with a family. His brother Jules didn't count; he was a Shepherd.

Jayne suddenly felt a rather alarming sense of anxiety and restlessness. He liked how he was well enough. But people in his line of work didn't last long and he'd lasted longer than most. Getting married, having a family, settling down – those were things he'd long since given up on. He had a good job and a good crew and usually enough money to take care of his self while sending some back home.

There wasn't really anymore he could ask for, was there? He supposed that he was just going to have to be happy for baby brother and be glad that his family was happy.

For the next few days, Jayne kept to his self. He didn't feel like talking to anyone and outside of meal times, he didn't. Weight lifting wasn't doing it for him and he'd cleaned and polished every weapon he owned.

He was relieved when Mal announced that they had another job lined up; apparently he'd met a contact at the Sky Bazaar and it had taken them a few days to hammer out the details. It was a simple cargo haul, but it was also to a planet that had a reputation for backwater thieves snatching the goods as soon as they arrived. Jayne was hoping that he'd get some gunplay in.

He worried a bit about the crew. He knew that the dynamic was going to start changing with a new member – just like it had when Shepherd Book and the Tams had joined – and just like it had when Book and Wash had died. Jayne didn't trust new crew, not until they proved themselves. He figured that the next few jobs would be the deciding factor as to whether or not he trusted her.

They had former fugies on board and Jayne didn't want her to take a notion in her head to turn them in anyways. He and the Doc had developed a rapport of sorts and the Doc's sis was okay enough. He'd actually be sort of sad if they went away.

Jayne wasn't a big fan of change and he knew that he had to resign himself to the fact that it was going to come, whether he wanted it or not.

***

I hope you enjoy! Questions, comments, and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!


	9. New Beginnings

**Disclaimer**: Firefly, Serenity, and all related characters are copyright 2002-2005 Mutant Enemy, Inc., Universal Pictures, and 20th Century Fox. This is a work of fanfiction. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary**: The crew continues to adjust and Simon finally works up the nerve to take a big step forward.

**Keeping On: Part 9 – New Beginnings**

***

_A Week Later_…

Things on _Serenity_ seemed to be going well enough. Lilah was taking to her job very well, Mal and Zoe both thought. Their only concern was that Lilah rarely left bridge. Whereas Wash had often put the controls to autopilot, Lilah rarely did so, except at night and at meal times. When she wasn't on the bridge, she was in her room with the door slid shut. She showed up for meals and did her time on the chore and cooking rotation, but mostly kept to herself. There were a few instances where she would open up, but mostly the only people she talked to were Simon and River.

Simon had insisted to Mal and Zoe that Lilah was fine and was mostly likely just taking time to adjust to her new situation.

"Of course, it's also possible that she thinks we're all insane and is plotting her escape." He added wryly.

"Go clean your infirmary." Mal had said.

Zoe had been surprised when she'd gone up to the bridge one night to let Lilah know that dinner was ready and saw and heard Lilah talking to one of Wash's old dinos before reaching into the bag she always seemed to bring with her onto the bridge and pulling out a new dino and placing it among the others. It had taken Zoe a moment to get a hold on herself and she'd managed to keep her voice even when she finally spoke.

"Having fun?"

Lilah caught Zoe starting at her and smiled, embarrassed.

"I- I saw it in a store back at the Sky Bazaar and I couldn't stop myself. He looked so lonely."

"Did you name it?" Zoe asked.

"Did I name it?"

"Wash always named them." Zoe said quietly.

"Oh, yeah. His name is Penny." Lilah said, with a smile, holding the ridiculous, green plastic dinosaur up. "His mother told him it would build character."

Zoe snorted and told Lilah that dinner was about to start.

"Might be best to hurry it up before Jayne eats it all."

"That man is a bottomless pit." Lilah agreed, setting "Penny" back down with his new friends and following Zoe down to the mess. "By the way, what is it with him and his guns?"

"It's one of the great mysteries of the 'Verse."

***

Inara pulled River aside after dinner that night and told her that she could visit with her any time that she wanted. River assured her that she would when she was ready and Inara hugged the girl fondly.

"Do you know where Simon disappeared to while we were shopping?" River asked.

Inara smiled widely and nodded.

"I'm not supposed to tell. It's a secret." She said, recalling the young doctor's words to her before the ship had even docked.

"Is it a nice secret?" River pushed.

"Oh yes, it's a very nice secret." Inara said, still smiling. "It's a very nice secret indeed."  
It took River another day or so before she found out what Simon's secret was.

***

Mal was sitting up on the bridge in a rare moment of their new pilot's absence. He was thinking on various things both past and recent. More than anything, he was having a rare moment to himself; of relaxation…just a man and the ship that he loved.

It was interrupted by a voice asking,

"May I join you, Captain?"

Mal turned and Simon stood at the entrance to the bridge, looking very nervous.

"Got somethin' on your mind, Doc?" Mal asked. Simon rarely sought Mal out unless he had a good reason.

"I was hoping to speak with you, yes." Simon said.

"Come on in and have a seat." Mal turned back to the space before him, taking in the vastness of it.

To his surprise, he heard Simon close and lock the door to the bridge before sitting in the co-pilot's seat.

"I wanted this to stay private, though I imagine that you'll tell Zoe." Simon said.

"Speak your peace then, Doc." Mal said, genuinely curious about what Simon had to say.

"I've never met Kaylee's father and I don't know what the chances are that I'll meet him any time soon. I suppose I could wave him, but it would be out of the blue and not of good decorum. And, as you are the Captain that I more or less serve under, and because you act as an older brother to Kaylee, the proper thing to do is to ask you, as a courtesy."

Mal suddenly knew where this was going and part of him thought that it was about _gorram_ time. The other part was more than uneasy. As Simon had said, Kaylee was like Mal's little sister, and he aimed to do right by her.

"I love Kaylee, Mal. And I have every intention of asking her to be my wife. Even though the usual Core niceties aren't observed out here in the Black and I plan on asking her no matter what you say, I would like your blessing to do so.

"I can't say that I have much to offer her, though I have bought a ring and I do have money put away for the both of us to start out with. If she says yes than I will do my best to keep her happy." Simon finished.

"Suppose you could propose without putting your foot in your mouth and making her cry?" Mal asked, wryly.

"Surprisingly, I'm feeling rather hopeful that I can." Simon answered.

Mal sighed.

"I suppose I could give my blessing. Ya ain't useless and for some _gorram_ reason Kaylee kinda likes you. And you're gonna ask her whether I give my blessing or not?"

"I am."

"Why ask, even?" Mal asked.

"How angry would you have been had I not?" Simon countered, knowingly.

"Pretty damn angry." Mal admitted.

"And Kaylee doesn't like to see others angry or upset or sad." Simon said.

"Guess that top 3 percent helps ya a bit, don't it?"

"I rather like that designation. I have to have _something_ to feed my ego every now and then, given my rather harsh fall from grace." Simon smiled.

"Yeah, you're a regular tragic hero. Alright then, I give my blessing, for what little it's worth." Mal said, grudgingly. "But so help me, if you make her unhappy, Simon-"

"The crew gets to shoot me and I get tossed out the airlock. I know." Simon said, not cowed in the least. Mal respected that Simon could stand up to both him and Jayne, but sometimes it was a damn pain in the _pi gu_.

"Go on and ask her."

Simon smiled and left, leaving the doors open.

***

"Well don't you have a dapper air to you today," Lilah commented to Simon as he walked by. She was heading to the bridge.

"I suppose that I do." Simon smiled.

"Does it have anything to do with you cozying yourself off with the Captain on the bridge earlier?" Lilah asked.

"It does." He blushed, and Lilah thought he looked kind of pathetically adorable when he did that. She could almost see what Kaylee saw in him. "I…I let Mal know my intentions." He finally managed.

Lilah couldn't resist teasing him; he made it so easy sometimes. She liked Simon; he had become a good friend to her.

"That's so sweet, Simon. Where are you going to take Mal on your first date?"

Simon mouthed wordlessly for a moment. Finally he managed to sputter out

"Kaylee! My intentions towards _Kaylee_ Not Mal!"

"You're such an easy mark, Simon." Lilah laughed. "I'm happy for you." She added, sincerely.

"She hasn't said 'yes' yet. I haven't even asked her yet." Simon said, though he smiled to let her know that he appreciated the sentiment.

"You'd better go and do that then, hadn't you?"

"I'm planning on it."

"Good luck."

"Thank you, Lilah."

***

Meanwhile, up on the bridge, Mal was filling Zoe in on his and Simon's little chat.

"How you feelin' about this, Zoe?" Mal asked.

"What do you mean, Sir?" Zoe countered, not meeting his eyes.

"You can't hide it from me, Zoe. Mama Bear's upset that her cub's gonna be leavin' the cave pretty soon." Mal smiled kindly. "You and Wash looked out for her, and you've known this was coming for a while now."

"I don't want to see Kaylee get hurt, is all." Zoe said. "Girl's got a heart of gold and I can't stand seein' her unhappy."

"Doc'll take care of her." Mal said. "He loves her and knows that he's got a boatload of people who will make him miserable if he makes her unhappy."

"So he really asked you if he could ask her to marry him?" Zoe asked.

"He surely did. Think the boy'll do alright by our little Kaylee. How's Mama Bear feel about one of her youngins' up an' marryin'?"

"I'll get used to it and be happy for them both." Zoe smiled.

"Course this means that Jayne and I will get to have all manner of fun screwing around with Simon at his bachelor party." Mal smiled. "And I _know_ that Kaylee's father and brother will too."

"Therein lay the silver lining." Zoe agreed.

***

Jayne and River were sitting in the mess in comfortable silence. River was sketching something and Jayne was cleaning one of his guns. River perked up.

"Somethin' up?" Jayne asked, not raising his head from his task.

"Simon is becoming a man." River said with a wide smile.

Jayne snorted.

"In case ya hadn't noticed, Crazy, yer brother done got sexed by Kaylee about a year ago. Hell, them two ain't hardly stopped since they started."

"Sex does not make a male a man." River said, seriously. "Simon wants to start building a family." She smiled happily. "He's been taken in by the sun and wants to always be in her light."

Jayne said nothing for a moment – the letter from his mother was fresh in his mind.

_Gorrramit,_ he thought. _Why the hell's everyone so up and eager to get married? Ain't like it's nothin' special._

For one brief and bitter moment, he wished dearly that Kaylee would say no, before instantly feeling ashamed of himself. He liked Kaylee…he should be happy for her.

"Jayne is upset with this news." River said, puzzled.

"I ain't upset with it." Jayne insisted. "I'm happy for Kaylee. Hell, I'm even happy for your sissy priss of a brother." Jayne said.

"But something is upsetting you and-" She was unceremoniously cut off by Jayne.

"Here's an idea Crazy: why don't you stay out of my head and go be creepy and readin' somewhere else? Never wanted ya on this boat in the first place an' ya ain't been nothin' but a pain in my ass since ya came on." He bit out viciously, picking up his now-assembled and clean gun as well as his rag and polish and stormed out of the mess, leaving a very hurt and confused River in his wake.

***

Simon stopped briefly in the infirmary, pulling out his hidden drawer and the small velvet box inside that he placed there after their last trip to the Sky Bazaar. He was eternally grateful to Inara for taking charge of River's shopping so that he could slip away for an hour or so to find a ring for Kaylee.

His first instinct was to go for something very fancy and ornate, before practicality hit him. Kaylee worked around machines and the engine and having something so fancy and impractical could get her hurt, should the ring be caught on something. And when he found a silver band that was thick enough to have a tiny ruby nearly completely inlaid but thin enough to keep from getting caught on anything, he knew that he had found the ring for her. He'd had her name inscribed on the inside part of the ring, paid, and had thanked the jeweler for his time.

He was nervous beyond belief. He, Dr. Simon Tam, Top-Three-Percent, could reattach a girl's _whole_ leg and perform surgery and heal the ailing and break his sister out of a high-security Alliance facility that was supposed to be untraceable and plan hospital drug heists, but he was nervous that the one woman he loved would reject him and say no.

He steeled himself, took a deep breath, and walked into the engine room.

He didn't see her. He saw tools lying around, which wasn't like her at all. They were only ever out when she was working. And he didn't hear her cheerful humming and cajoling of _Serenity_.

And he frowned, before catching sight of her laying unconscious on the floor, a few wires from various panels around her. Half of her body was underneath the great spinning engine. Then he swore that his heart stopped.

"KAYLEE!"

He rushed to her, frantic, his worry dueling with his medical training. He felt for her pulse and tried to push away the panic that was threatening to rise up and overtake him.

"What happened?" Mal and Jayne were in the doorway, concerned and out of breath, having rushed across ship to get to the engine room.

"She's unconscious. I can barely feel a pulse. I need to get her into the infirmary. Get the stretcher...we can't risk that her back will wrench if she comes too. The wires…she must have been shocked." Simon's mind almost went completely blank.

His only thought was that he couldn't lose the woman he loved. He just _couldn't_.

***

Simon ran various diagnostic tests on Kaylee's unconscious form and gave her the same paralysis-inducing medication that he'd given Jayne – albeit in a much smaller dose. He could see various burns on her hands and treated and wrapped them, as well as one on her side, where a wire had obviously shocked her.

"She gonna be okay?" Mal asked. Zoe and Inara were at his side, and even Lilah was standing outside the infirmary, a worried look on her face. Unbeknownst to any of them, Jayne was hovering on a small catwalk, peering into the infirmary, much like he had done when Kaylee had been shot.

"I'm hopeful. She's still unconscious and she has some minor burns and one that worries me, and I still don't know how her back will be. But she's stabilized. I ran every scan I could think of and I didn't see any evidence of internal damage. Of course that doesn't mean that there can't be complications." He wiped at his brow, feeling very weary and tired.

"Any clue what happened?" Zoe asked.

"I'm guessing she was working on some wiring and was electrocuted, but the only one who can tell us for sure is Kaylee herself." Simon answered.

Far away from them all, hidden in a dark and secluded corner of the cargo bay, River sat huddled, knees drawn up to her chin. She tentatively reached one hand out to touch the cool metal floor beneath her and asked in a shaky voice,

"Why would you do this to Kaylee?"

***

Simon kept a vigil that night, never leaving the infirmary.

Jayne surprised him by bringing him leftovers from supper, and asked how Kaylee was. Simon said that she was still stable and thanked him for the meal.

"Have you seen River?" Simon asked, almost as an afterthought. "I would have thought she would have stopped by."

"Ain't sure where she is, Doc." Jayne said gruffly, and left quickly. He'd gone looking for her after his outburst and had returned to the mess to find her gone. He'd started searching the ship after Simon had gotten Kaylee stabilized and hadn't been able to find her.

Simon ate sparingly…his appetite was next to nothing. Mostly he sat by Kaylee's side, holding her hand and hoping that she would wake up and be okay.

"You've got to wake up, Kaylee." He said. "I don't know what I do without you. Life would be so empty without your smile and cheerfulness or the way you always seem to know the right thing to say. You've given me so much and I can only hope that somehow I can manage to repay you for all you've done to me…for all that you are to me.

"I want to marry you, Kaylee. I want to have you as my wife and spend my life with you. I want to show you how much I love you and I promise that if you say yes, I'll make you happy as best I can.

"I was coming down to the engine room to ask you, and I had this whole thing planned out where for once, it would be perfect and I wouldn't insult you or be awkward and everything would just flow freely and work out. And then I saw you laying there, hardly breathing and it was as if my heart had stopped and the sun had disappeared.

"I wish that I could give you the world and everything that you deserve, and maybe someday I'll be able to. All I can really promise you right now is that I love you and want to be with you and only you.

"Please, Kaylee, come back to me." He whispered.

He felt her hand squeeze his slightly and he looked up to see that her eyes were open and that she had a gentle smile on her face.

"You really mean all of that?" She asked weakly.

"How are you feeling?" Simon asked, so relieved that she was awake.

"Uh-uh. I asked you first Dr. Tam." Kaylee said, with a small laugh that came out more as a painful cough.

"Of course I meant it. I meant every word, Kaylee."

"Shiny. I feel like the fork that got stuck in the toaster." She said, closing her eyes.

"You were electrocuted. What were you doing?" Simon asked.

"Some of the wires…they needed to be re-routed until the next time…I can replace the port-thrust booster." She took a pained breath. "I'd taken off some of the coating on them and next thing I knew…was… in la-la land."

"I'll let Mal know. You should rest now, _Bao bei_. I'll be back with water in a few moments. Just rest for a bit." Simon said.

"M'kay. Think I'll just…stay right…here. Simon?"

"Yes?"

"I'll marry you. I'll marry you a lot." She smiled sweetly at him and closed her eyes.

Simon left to get her some water, feeling happier and more grateful than he'd been in a long, long while.

He was going to marry Kaylee. She'd said yes. Simon and Kaylee were going to have a life together. They were going to be a _family_.

He didn't bother to wipe away the tears in his eyes.

***

I hope you enjoy! Questions, comments, and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!


	10. Captures and Doubt

**Disclaimer**: Firefly, Serenity, and all related characters are copyright 2002-2005 Mutant Enemy, Inc., Universal Pictures, and 20th Century Fox. This is a work of fanfiction. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary**: The crew has a run-in in deep space and something is revealed that shocks Mal and Zoe to the core.

**Keeping On: Part 10 – Captures and Doubt  
**

***

Kaylee remained in the infirmary for two more days, until Simon was satisfied with further scans and tests that showed no internal damage. He looked after her every need, causing her to mention that if he would be half as attentive after they were married, she'd be a happy, happy woman. He even remembered to get the ring out of the little box and he smiled at the joy and excitement on her face as he slipped the engagement ring onto her finger.

The crew stopped by to visit and to congratulate the happy couple and wish Kaylee a speedy recovery. Mal's smile seemed a bit forced to Simon, as did Zoe's, and he supposed that it was only natural; he was marrying a member of their crew, of their family.

Jayne brought cards with him when he visited and he and Kaylee played rounds upon rounds of a game they called 'War,' which apparently was a card game that was popular on the Rim. Inara brought in her cortex tablet and she and Kaylee looked over various sites with wedding dresses, which made Simon grimace, much to their amusement. River would bring her drawing pad and pencils and play a game with Kaylee, with Kaylee describing something and River drawing it – no reading involved. Zoe and Mal mostly just stopped by to talk and give her reports on _Serenity_.

Lilah surprised everyone by visiting a few times and when Kaylee was released and relaxing out in the common area, she brought a heavy black album. She opened it and explained that it was her album of captures that she'd collected throughout her life.

"You have so many! You must be capture crazy." Kaylee said.

"I don't want to forget anything." Lilah said.

"What do you mean?"

"I- it's stupid."

"I promise I won't laugh."

"My grandmother had the best memory when she was growing up. There wasn't anything that she couldn't recall. When she got older though, she developed Alzheimer's and she started to forget everything. Eventually she couldn't remember me, my parents, her other children, or even her own name."

"You think you'll be the same way?" Kaylee asked.

Lilah sighed.

"I don't know. I have a pretty good memory, for the most part. But in case it happens to me too, maybe having these memories will help. I don't want to forget anything. But enough dreariness, it's depressing."

Lilah settled in on the couch next to Kaylee. She'd let Kaylee pick one out and then she'd explain it to her, telling her the amusing stories and not-so-amusing stories about them.

"This is my family, back on Beaumonde. My parents' families have lived there ever since the place was terraformed." Lilah said.

"I thought you were from Paquin." Kaylee said, confused.

"That's where my husband and I settled after the War. He was from Paquin and I would have followed him anywhere he wanted to go."

"What do your siblings do?" Kaylee asked.

Lilah laughed.

"You should ask my mother that question. She was always so irritated with us for not being as proper as she would have liked. I was always with Dad, helping in the shop with the welding or rough-housing with the boys from across the street.

"Regina is my youngest sister, and she's nearly twenty-five now. She's training to be a Companion, if you'll believe it. She left for the training house when she was twelve and she's been there ever since. Last I heard from my parents, she had a few more months to go before she could be fully registered."

"That her?" Kaylee pointed to a capture that Lilah's sister had sent to her a few years back. The young lady in the picture was very beautiful, immaculately groomed, and clothed in a very fine dress. She had a polite smile that Kaylee thought very similar to Lilah's, but with less warmth than their pilot's.

"Yepper."

"What about the others?"

Lilah pointed to another woman who was with a man and two children.

"That's my younger sister Kelsey and her husband Jonah. The little ones are Marina and Joel, my niece and nephew. Kelsey and Jonah married young and now they run a bed and breakfast on Beaumonde.

"The boys are my twin brothers Joshua and Alexander. Joshua is a welder like my father, and Alexander has the sole distinction of being the child who best lived up to my mother's expectations." Lilah rolled her eyes. "He's a dancer – ballet, specifically. He was invited to join a company on Ariel and he's been dancing with them since he was 16. He's only able to come home a few times a year." The two men were both smiling widely, arms around each other's shoulders.

"They don't look too much alike."

"They're fraternal twins. That's when…it's probably better if Simon explains it. I always mess it up."

Lilah turned the page, smiling sadly when she saw the large capture of her and her deceased husband.

"Is he your husband?" Kaylee asked, innocently. "He looks so _suai_."

"That's my Wendell." Lilah said. "He was very _suai_."

The young man in question had laughing almond-shaped eyes and a cheerful look to him. His short dark hair was curly and his skin was about a shade lighter than Lilah's. Together they had made a handsome couple. Kaylee couldn't help but notice that Lilah looked much younger and was smiling widely.

"You both flew in the War, right?" Kaylee asked, looking at another capture of them together wearing flight suits, obviously taken during the War.

"Yeah. We were in the same squadron."

"You guys had special names for each other, didn't you, when you flew?"

"Yes, they're called call signs."

"How do you get them?"

"Well, you never give yourself one – it's just bad form and no one takes you seriously; it's always given, usually from a superior officer or someone in your squadron. Sometimes you start with a demeaning one, with the notion that as you work harder and prove yourself you earn a better one, though some keep the one they're first given. We all had names by the end of the first week we were in school."

"What were your call signs, I mean, yours and Wendell's?"

"We called Wendell 'Prince,' since when we first met him he seemed rather stuck-up and had some family higher up in the ranks. And he came from money, too." She smiled at a memory Kaylee wished she could know. "We got to know him better and it turned out that he was actually one of the nicest men you could have ever met, so the name stuck."

"He sure looks like a Prince Charming." Kaylee said. "What was yours?"

"Mine was 'Aries.'" Lilah said.

"Like the horoscope?" Kaylee asked.

"Sort of. Generally, in horoscopes, Arians are known for being stubborn and on occasion hot-tempered. I was real hot-head back then, before I mellowed out a bit. And in myth, back on Earth-That-Was, Aries was a god of war, and I had the best hit rate out of my squadron. The instructor gave the name to me after an exercise we were flying."

"You? A hot-head?" Kaylee questioned dubiously.

"Oh, Kaylee, I used to be a genuine hell-raiser. You have no idea." Lilah said.

"What happened?"

"I fell in love and got married and just…mellowed out." Lilah said with a smile.

"Prince and Aries. The names sound so romantic together." Kaylee exclaimed, happily. She turned the page, to see another capture of Wendell and Lilah together, during their wedding.

"You both looked so nice! And your dress! It was so pretty! You wore white, not red." Kaylee said. "Are you a Christian, like Shepherd Book was?"

"I suppose." Lilah said. "I believe in God and I pray, but mostly I saw the dress and in a fit of mindless, girlish shallowness, simply had to have it."

"It's beautiful. You looked so…"

"I looked like an actual woman?" Lilah asked with a smirk.

"Well, you're pretty anyways, but seein' ya all gussied up and all…" Kaylee blushed a bit.

"It was a special time. I don't mind the occasional feminine touch, but I much prefer practicality and comfort in my clothing." Lilah said.

"It looked like a beautiful wedding."

"It was. Our family and friends were there. But what made it special was that our squadron was there with us. One of the other pilots was Wendell's best man and one of my friends from Beaumonde flew all the way to stand with me." Somehow, the memories weren't so painful right then, as if sharing them had placed a healing sort of quality to them, rather than the usual stab of pain that she normally felt. "That was the last time our squadron was together as a whole. If you turn the-"

The proximity alert sounded just then, and Lilah said a quick "be right back," to Kaylee before jumping out of her chair and rushing as fast as she could to the bridge. Kaylee was left alone to turn the page. Her face turned white when she did.

***

On the bridge, Lilah sat down quickly, looking at the screens. She pressed various buttons and turned various nobs, bringing up a visual of a heavily damaged ship, beaming a weak distress signal. Lilah recognized it as a passenger ship.

Within two minutes, Mal, Zoe, and Jayne were all on the bridge as well.

"What the hell is goin' on?" Mal asked, looking intently out at the vast expanse of black and stars before them.

"Passenger ship, and heavily damaged by the looks of it." Lilah answered. "They're beaming a distress signal and it's very weak."

"Reavers?" Zoe asked.

"Naw. We're near Dyton. Most likely it was slavers or pirates." Jayne said.

"What's the plan, Sir?" Zoe asked.

Mal looked down at Lilah.

"Hail them."

Lilah did so, and a very weak visual of a bleeding man came on the screen.

"This is Captain Tsoling of the passenger ship The Orion Spirit. Thank you for answering." The man's words came through heavy gasps.

Lilah looked up at Mal, who nodded at her.

"Captain Tsoling, this is transport ship _Serenity_. What is your status?"

"We were hit…pirates. Damn _hun dans_ sent a warning shot over our bow and they had some kind of a magnetic pull on their ship."

"How many on your ship?"

"We were carrying 103, and the pirates took most of the people with them. And most of our valuables and foodstuffs. Some of us are wounded and we're running out of medical supplies."

"Children?"

"Yes, some of them wounded. Please…help us."

"I'll contact the Captain."

"Thank you."

Lilah switched the frequency off.

"Somethin' ain't right about this, Mal." Jayne said. "If it were pirates or slavers they wouldn'ta left survivors, let alone a ship to beam a distress call."

"I agree. But if there are survivors, 'specially children, we can't just leave them."

"You can't trust them." A voice said from the doorway.

The foursome looked around to see River.

"They are liars and you should not trust them. They'll wreak havoc and harm."

"River, are there children on that boat?" Zoe asked.

"There were." She answered. "I can hear their screaming; they were so scared. We can't go over there."

"So what, we just leave the damn people there to rot or take in unsuspecting do-gooders?" Lilah questioned.

"No. We invite them over here. And we'll be ready for them."

"Yer_ feng le_." Jayne bit out at River.

"I'd rather be _feng le_ than be like you." River answered. Jayne had no reply.

"Wait, wait, wait. Go back to the part where we invite them over here." Mal said.

"We offer aid, and then we neutralize the threat they pose and take whatever supplies and weapons are over there as spoils of war. They aren't travelers. They are pirates."

"Then they're insane. Who would go to all the trouble of tearing a perfectly good ship to hell just to make it look like less of a threat to others?" Lilah questioned.

Mal, Zoe, Jayne, and River shared a long look.

"You really think we can pull this off, Little Albatross?" Mal asked her.

"Seal off the pathways from the cargo bay to the rest of the ship." Her brow was furrowed and the others could tell that she was thinking very, very hard.

"At least twelve over there, but we should be prepared for at least five more. They are confident in what they do; they will get complacent. Height will be our ally, and someone should hide in one of the illegal cargo areas, shoot from below to bring them down."

"And after that, little Mastermind?" Mal asked.

"Then the blades come out and the rest will fall." River said, with an eerie smile.

Lilah didn't understand that last part, but the others seemed know exactly what River meant. River was speaking very clearly and quietly, as if only speaking to herself. Within minutes she had everything planned out.

"We should start getting ready. Keep Simon and Kaylee and Lilah behind the sealed doors and set the cargo bay. Keep Inara in her shuttle." She said.

"Oh, hell no! I'm fighting!" Lilah argued, standing up. "I can sit in one of the hidden cargo spots and take them out from below if you want, but you are not keeping me out of this fight."

"Simon will need a gun, in case things go south then." Mal said. "Kaylee's been learnin', but the girl tends to get frazzled at violence." He clapped his hands together.

"Right then. I'm gonna invite these nice and even-tempered folk over here. We'll fly towards them slowly and then I'll make a big deal over getting the airlock ready. That should buy us some time for you three to start getting the bay ready. I'll let Simon and Kaylee and Inara in on the plan. Jayne?" Mal said.

"Yeah?"

"Time to treat your girls to a little dance."

Lilah saw Jayne smile widely and he took off in the direction of his bunk.

Zoe looked at Lilah and River as Mal sat down to hail the other ship.

"We got work to do."

***

"Captain, I need to talk to you and Zoe." Kaylee said, as Mal strode in the common area where Kaylee was sitting, looking through the rest of Lilah's captures. He'd already told Inara to stay in her shuttle until he said it was okay to leave and then left quickly, causing her to curse him after he was mostly out of earshot.

"Ain't got time for it now, _Mei mei_. We're sealing off the cargo bay; we're gonna have company. I've given Simon a gun and you're to say away from the action, dong ma? Can't risk you gettin' hurt after Simon done got ya well again."

"But Mal-" Kaylee started.

"Later. I promise. Now, here's what you and Simon need to do…" He filled her in on River's plan, and went to join the others.

***

Down in the cargo bay Jayne, Lilah, Zoe, and River had stacked crates up high and off to the sides of the bay to provide for cover. Zoe took a place up on the highest catwalk that was partially hidden. Lilah settled herself into one of the hidden storage spaces that River had pointed out and she pulled her gun from her hip and released the clip to double-check that it was full. River and Jayne situated themselves behind stacks of crates on opposite sides, and Lilah's eyes went wide as she saw River hold up an old sword and a wicked-looking axe, looking very pleased and looking almost fond of them.

Mal came down into the cargo bay, making sure that the doors behind him were sealed.

"We all set?"

"We're ready, Sir." Zoe called, as quietly as she could.

"Right then. Let's try to keep it clean, shall we?"

Mal strode over and pushed the button that would seal the airlock to the other ship and then moved to swing the great door open. He stepped back, letting a group of around twenty in. Each appeared to be wounded and from their various places, the crew could tell that the wounds were unconvincingly faked – if others had been wounded for real in the way these pirates were staged, they would be dead.

"I'm Captain Reynolds. Sorry for the big delay, but we we've been getting things ready to make this as smooth as possible. So, I'll just show you to the infirmary where our Doc can patch ya'll up." He smiled winningly and shook the "Captain's" hand. He turned his back and the lights went dark a second later. In the dark, Mal ducked behind a stack of crates. The lights came back on and the pirates had pulled out their weapons, looking around wildly at the seemingly empty bay.

"This ain't right, Tsoling!" One of the men said. A shot rang out and he fell to the ground, screaming in pain, holding his knee tightly before he was shot again and lay dead.

"What the-"

Another shot rang out and one of the others, a very muscular woman carrying a shotgun fell dead, with a shot right through her heart.

"Get back to the ship! This is a set-"

The doors behind them had already been closed, overridden by Kaylee, who had limped to the engine room, Simon helping her.

Mal fired a shot and took out another of the men, while Jayne fired two and two more men went down.

Then Lilah could only stare in shock as she watched River dart out, blades in hand. She danced around, swinging the blades with a silent and almost poetic grace. When one tried to shoot her she grabbed his arm, spun him around so that he shot one of his fellow pirates, and moved her axe to nick his jugular. A kick here, a slash there, a twist round. One by one, the remaining pirates fell to the ground, dead. A few had broken necks and others were bleeding from long, deep slashes.

She stood there, in the middle of the bodies, breathing heavily. Her eyes looked blank and her body was tensed up. Mal came out from behind one of the crates and for a moment Lilah was sure that River was going to attack him. Then River exhaled deeply and her blades fell to the floor with a clatter.

Zoe was coming down from the catwalk and Jayne stepped out from where he was hidden. Lilah pulled herself out of her hiding place and went to join the others.

"That was some fightin' you did there, River." Mal said, looking for all the world like a proud father. "That wasn't a bad plan. You may be fit for crime yet." He said, smiling.

River beamed up at him.

"But just so you know, River, seeing you take on those pirates like that done took about ten years off my life." He said. "So let's avoid most of this in the future, eh?"

"Captain is very healthy," River said dismissively.

"Went a bit too fast for my tastes," Jayne commented. "Woulda liked to have shot 'em some more. Kinda felt like a run-in with pirates shoulda been harder than that."

"Speed ensured that Simon would not be busy fixing us tonight." River said.

Lilah stared at the pack of them.

"Wha- what was that? What just happened?" She turned to River. "How did you…you're just a little girl! That was-" Words failed her.

"We'll explain later." Mal said. "But for right now, I want you and Jayne to go over to that ship and bring back any bits of pretty that you can find. Zoe and I will take care of dumping the bodies."

"Right. We'll go and do that, then." Lilah said, still in a state of shock.

"Yep."

She and Jayne opened up the airlock, guns at the ready, in case there were more pirates on the other ship. Moving over into the other ship, they began a search for anything useful.

***

Mal, Zoe, and River made short work of dumping the bodies, much like Jayne had done after the Lilac job. River started to clean up the blood that had splattered onto some of the crates and Mal and Zoe went to check on Simon and Kaylee.

"Captain, Zoe?" Kaylee asked, sitting once more with Lilah's album of captures. Simon was sitting with her, very quiet.

"What did you need, _Mei mei_?" Mal asked kindly.

"You two need to look at these." Kaylee told them, her voice strained. She held out the album.

"What?" Zoe asked, as Mal took it.

"Just do it." Simon said.

Zoe stood next to Mal as he opened up the album and started looking at the captures.

"Okay. I'm seeing Lilah, what looks like Lilah's family…"

"Just keep going." Kaylee told him.

"Lilah's wedding…" Zoe said.

"Turn again."

"Zoe!"

Zoe had backed away suddenly from the album, as if she'd seen a ghost. Mal stared incredulously down at the page of captures.

In the captures, sometimes dressed in the flight suit of an Independent fighter pilot; other times with the same group of five people looking young, carefree, and cheerful; and in yet more captures, standing up with Lilah's husband during the wedding ceremony, was Wash.

***

I hope you enjoy! Questions, comments, and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!

GG


	11. Revelations

**Disclaimer**: Firefly, Serenity, and all related characters are copyright 2002-2005 Mutant Enemy, Inc., Universal Pictures, and 20th Century Fox. This is a work of fanfiction. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary**: Mal and Zoe confront Lilah about the captures and someone's secret past comes out into the open.

**Keeping On: Part 11 – Revelations**

***

_Nine years ago…_

"_Look, it's nothing personal, Prince." A man with reddish-blond hair was saying._

"_Yes, it is! It's very personal, _gorramit_!" Prince protested heavily._

"_Oh, come on, Princey-boy!" A woman with cropped red hair laughed. "He's just having one over you!"_

"_It's not funny, Hammer!" The man called Prince protested again._

"_Yes, it is!" Another man insisted, smoothly putting his arm around Hammer's shoulder before she smacked him away. "It's hilarious!"_

"_Aries, back me up on this!" Prince beseeched the dark-haired woman who was smiling widely._

"_I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to go with Leaf on this one, _Bao bei_." She said, holding back her laughter for his sake._

"_Hussy." Prince muttered._

"_It's agreed then!" Leaf said cheerfully. "Face it, Prince, there are good pilots, and then, well…there's you." He clapped Prince on the back and looked at the rest of the group._

"_So, we have our orders yet? I mean, it's been two days since we graduated. Surely they have _something_ for us to do."_

"_Barclay's supposed to address us tomorrow at the 0800 assembly."_

"_How the hell did you find that out, Hopper?" Hammer asked, narrowing her eyes suspiciously._

"_Oh, I was eavesdropping." Hopper said, unashamed. "It's a character flaw of mine, one that I like tremendously."_

"_Shiny." Leaf said. "This is going to be great."_

"_You seem awfully sure about that, Leaf." Aries commented._

"_It's us, Aries." Leaf said. "Nothing's going to be able to break us."_

"_Let's not get too cocky, _dong ma_?" Prince asked._

"_That's right." Hopper agreed. "We have to make it through this so you and Aries can get married and have lots of sex and babies. Preferably in a place where I'm not sleeping in the bunk next to you."_

"_We're not having sex!" Aries exclaimed._

"_Not yet, you're not. Just give it time. Pretty soon you're going to be riding him like a-" Hopper was promptly cut off by a very sharp – and loud – slap from Hammer._

_Aries and Prince were both blushing furiously, not meeting anyone's eyes. Finally Leaf took pity on them and called for their check._

"_We'd better head back to base. We have a long, hard, three-minute-or-less lecture from Barclay to look forward to tomorrow." He said. "And also, I need to introduce Steve here to his new friends." He held up a blue and orange toy dinosaur that had been sitting by his drink since they'd arrived at the bar._

"_Yeah." Hopper said, rolling his eyes at Leaf. Shaking his head, he raised his glass. "To the Independents!"_

"_The Independents!" The others echoed._

***

"Zoe?" Mal asked, looking up from the capture of five young people sitting around a table in a bar.

"It ain't true." Zoe said. "Wash didn't know her; she didn't know him, and Wash sure as hell didn't fight in the War!" Her voice had started out very quiet, and had nearly risen to a yell by the time she finished.

"Seems we have some questions to ask our resident pilot, I'm thinking." Mal said.

"I didn't want to get her into trouble, Captain." Kaylee said.

"You were right to tell us, Kaylee. Can't be havin' crew members what lie to us." Mal said tightly.

"She's a liar. She's a dirty _hun dan da hua jing_." Zoe said, off in her own world.

"What if she did know Wash?" Simon asked. "It doesn't make her guilty of whatever it is you think she's guilty of. It doesn't make her this horrible person you're so bent on punishing."

"She knew he was the pilot here before her and she never said a word about knowing him. That's as good as lyin' and I ain't havin' it on my boat." Mal bit out.

"Then can we at least do this in a marginally civilized manner?" Simon asked, almost in vain.

"Sure. We'll let her speak her peace before we kick her off." Mal said, smiling that wild smile that only showed up once in a great while.

"MAL!"

The group turned to see an angry Inara moving towards them, looking for all the 'Verse like a graceful lioness on the prowl.

"What is going on, Mal? I hear the proximity alarm go off and then you come and tell me to stay in my shuttle until you gave the all-clear and then the lights go off for a few seconds and I hear shooting. I was in the middle of very important wave to Sihnon and it shorted out. And then you never gave me the all-clear! What in Buddha's name happened?"

They all looked at her sheepishly.

"Pirates, Inara. There were pirates and we took care of them. We didn't want to risk you getting hurt."

She looked a bit touched, if a little bit irritated. "Where are River, Jayne and Lilah?"

"River's cleaning the cargo bay after out little battle and Jayne and Lilah are over scouring the ship for supplies."

"And what is this little meeting about?" Inara asked, curious.

"Apparently Lilah knew Wash and didn't say anything so the Captain is going to be very reasonable and put her off ship." Simon answered, giving Mal a look of great dislike.

"What? How could she have known Wash and not said anything?" Inara questioned.

"Look at the captures. They prove it."

"You really think they knew each other?" Zoe asked quietly.

"Captures don't lie, Zoe." Mal answered. "Captures can't be faked, that's why they're so popular."

Inara looked at the album for a few minutes, and finally looked up at Mal.

"I told you I had a bad feeling about her, Mal." She said quietly.

"You did, Inara. And I should have listened to you, I'm thinking." Mal acknowledged.

***

Down in the cargo bay River tensed up as she felt, rather than heard the conversation upstairs.

"She didn't know that it was a secret…but it was." River whispered quietly.

***

"Think the others are about done?" Lilah asked, holding open a large bag so that Jayne could dump what looked like a month or three's-worth supply of protein packets into it.

"'Spect so. Don't take that long to dump bodies into space." Jayne said. He opened up the refrigerator. "Hey! Bottled water!" He grabbed the large case of bottles and set it on the counter. "Think we're gonna need two trips. Ruttin' pirates liked their comforts, I guess."

"Well, so far we've found fresh meat and produce, protein that's _not_ from a bargain bin, and bottled water. I'd say they did at that." Lilah said, taking in the large box that they had found and filled with food.

"Go on and check their infirmary and whatever ain't outdated, keep." Jayne said, handing her another large bag.

"Right." Lilah left, whistling.

Jayne smirked as he hefted up the large box filled with food and grabbed the bag filled with protein that Lilah had left. He navigated his way through the ship back to where the airlocks were joined.

To his surprise, Zoe met him back on _Serenity_.

"I'll help Lilah finish up. Start putting that stuff away." Zoe said, and Jayne did his best not to inch away; something had stirred Zoe up into a rage and he didn't want to be in her path.

"She's in the infirmary, seeing if there's anything useful." Jayne said, hurrying away.

Zoe entered the ship as Jayne made his way to the mess. She looked around and began searching for Lilah. Anger and disbelief was coursing through every inch of her it seemed, and while a part of Zoe was telling her that it wasn't righteous anger, a larger part of her was furious that somehow, some way, her memory of Wash had been thrown out of balance and she seethed with the knowledge.

"Find anything useful?" Zoe asked, coming up on the infirmary where Lilah was checking various vials of medicine and packets of supplies for expiration dates. The sack she had was quite full, and Zoe couldn't help but think that Simon would be grateful for the extra inventory.

"Quite a lot. Those pirates knew what they were doing; they were in it for the long haul. You should see what Jayne and I found earlier." Lilah said, good-naturedly, finishing up.

"Anything I can do?"

"No," Lilah said. "I think this just about covers it, truthfully."

She and Zoe started back towards _Serenity_. Once the two were back on board, Zoe took a hold of the bag from Lilah and asked her to close up. Lilah turned to seal the airlock and the great door and when she turned back, Zoe decked her, hard. Her world went back and she slumped to the floor.

***

"Ya decked her pretty damn hard there, Zoe."

"This is lunacy. I'd like to say that I can't believe you all are set on this, but then I'd be lying."

"Woman shouldn'ta a lied to us, Doc. Who knows what else she was keepin' secret?"

"She didn't seem bad. I mean, she came and saw me in the infirmary and she barely knows me!"

"I thought she was gonna be okay with us."

"Didn't know it was a secret. Should have told."

"I had a bad feeling about her, Mal. I told you before."

"She'd better wake up and in a hurry. She's got questions to answer."

The voices swirled around Lilah as she regained consciousness. She became aware of three things: one, she was tied up; two, her head hurt worse than it had in several years; and three, for some _gorram_ reason, the crew had gone crazy.

"She's waking up." She thought she heard Kaylee's voice.

"I really wish you'd let me treat her, Mal. There was no need to hit her so hard." Oh, that was Simon. _Thank you, Simon._

"Felt pretty damn needful to me." Zoe. The one who had hit her.

Against her better judgment, Lilah opened her eyes to find herself tied to a chair in the mess. The crew was standing around. Zoe looked pissed, Mal and Inara looked mad, Jayne looked irritated, Simon and Kaylee worried, and River upset.

"So…who's playing good cop and who's playing bad cop?" She knew it was the wrong thing to say, but suddenly she was back in that _place_, facing down interrogators who wanted nothing more than to break her into pieces. Those people hadn't managed to break her, not even after eight months. She was damned if she'd let this group do it either.

She wouldn't break. She'd made a promise…it was the one order from the War that she would always follow. _Don't let them break you. Don't you ever let them break you._

"Might wanna be watchin' that smart mouth of yours, Ms. Linn. You're in an awfully bad place right now." Mal said, crouching down to her eye-level.

She raised her head up a notch, giving him a dismissive look.

"We don't take to kindly to liars around here, Ms. Linn. 'Specially one we hired on and have treated decently, like yourself."

"I haven't lied about anything." Lilah said, indignantly. Her head was throbbing and her wrists were sore where the others had bound them.

"You knew Wash. You knew him, and you didn't think to tell us." Zoe spoke in a dangerously quiet voice.

"Wash? What the hell does your old pilot have to do with this?" Lilah asked, confused.

"Wash! Hoban Washburne! The man who stood up with your husband at your wedding! The man who used to fly this ship! My husband!"

Even the crew was looking at Zoe incredulously. No one had ever seen her lose control like that before, except Mal.

Lilah closed her eyes, partly because the light was doing no favors to her aching head, and partly to recall that sunny day when she was married on Paquin. She was there, with Wendell and her flight squadron from the War. Her, Wendell, Hopper, Hammer, and Wendell's best man, Leaf. She pictured Leaf's face in her mind and searched for every memory of him that she had.

***

_Eight years ago…_

"_Are you nervous?" Leaf asked her as she stood looking at herself in the mirror._

_She spoke to his reflection in the mirror. "A little, but it's okay. This is right, Leaf. I know this is right. I love him." She said._

_Leaf gave her a sloppy grin, and tugged at his collar, looking very much out of his element in clothes that weren't a flight suit._

"_Aren't you supposed to be calming my soon-to-be-husband down?"_

_Leaf grinned. "Well, I caught him as he tried to run, and then I forced a few fifths of alcohol down his throat so you should have him wasted enough to marry you before he either changes his mind or the alcohol poisoning kills him."_

"_You did what?!"_

"_I'm just kidding, Aries. He's fine. He's nervous, but he's fine." He put his hand on her shoulder and she reached up to cover it with her own._

"_I'm happy for you two." He said sincerely._

"_We're so glad you could make it. And hopefully we'll make it to your big day, if you ever find a woman crazy enough to take you on." She joked._

"_She'd have to be a hell of a woman, that's for sure." He said. "Well, I'd better make it back to Prince's room, make sure he didn't start a fire and sneak out on the food cart. I'll see you in a few." He kissed her cheek and left, just as her maid of honor walked in, carrying the flowers that she would need when she walked down the aisle to marry the man she loved._

_***_

"_You may now kiss your wife, Wendell."_

_He pulled her close and kissed her, and the world melted away. She could hear the approving whistles of Hopper and Hammer, as well as the clicking of Leaf capturing her and Wendell's first kiss as husband and wife. They pulled apart after what felt like a lifetime and Leaf beamed at them both._

"_Congratulations, you two." He clapped Wendell on the back and kissed her cheek again. "I did so good." He said, proudly._

_As the newlyweds walked down the aisle to the back of the church, she leaned over to whisper,_

"_Is it just me, or is Leaf taking complete credit for our marriage?"_

"_Oh, it's not you. He is very much taking complete credit for it. But I don't care." He smiled at her and she felt herself melt._

"_And why is that?"_

"_Because I get to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love." He kissed her again, and the couple left the church, hand in hand._

***

"Leaf? You're talking about Leaf?" Lilah questioned. "You guys knew him?"

"Leaf?" Mal and Zoe asked in unison.

"Hang on! You said you all used call signs, right? Was that Wash's call sign? 'Leaf'?" Kaylee asked. The other's looked at her, wondering what she was on about.

"Yeah. Washburne was his last name, now that I'm thinking on it. We never called each other by our names; it was always call signs that we used. His was Leaf. That's probably why it didn't even occur to me that…Oh, oh God, no." Very real grief was showing on her face. "Leaf died. He's gone."

"'Kay, I ain't gettin' this at all. Can some explain, please?" Jayne asked.

"Leaf, you guys knew him as Wash, he flew in my squadron during the War. That's how I knew him. The five of us in that squadron, we were friends. He was Wendell's best man at our wedding. We kept in touch for a few months and then…we didn't hear from him again after that." Lilah said.

"Yeah, here's where we're having a problem with that. Wash didn't fight in no war. He told us very clearly himself while he was still breathin'." Mal said.

"Yes, he did! He was the best damn pilot out of us! We looked up to him!" Lilah argued, incensed that they would tarnish his memory so.

"Wash wouldn't have lied to me." Zoe said evenly.

"What about his tattoo then? What did he say that was?" Lilah asked knowingly.

Zoe hesitated. _How could she know about that?_

"Said it was something that he got when he was young and stupid." She finally said, reluctantly.

"Yeah, he wasn't wrong. It was on his hip, wasn't it? An infinity loop with a leaf in one side and the Chinese character for strength in the other."

Zoe looked as if her entire world had crumbled beneath her.

"We all got them. Some small thing to prove that we were strong enough; that we survived hell." She swallowed back the bitterness that had laced her words. "Mine's on my hip, just like his was. I was there when he got it. Hammer and Hopper got theirs on their feet and Wendell's was on his hip too."

"This doesn't make any sense. Why would Wash have told us that he didn't serve if he did?" Inara questioned.

"Some survivors of the War, on both sides, couldn't deal with the horrors they'd seen. Many went mad and retreated into themselves. Some committed suicide and some pretended that it never happened. They blocked it out." Simon said. "We had more than a few veterans from both sides come in after having a manic episode."

"You think he mighta blocked it out before he hired on?" Kaylee asked.

"I don't know. But none of us would have made it if it weren't for him." Lilah said. "He kept our spirits up and got us through everything."

"Zoe?" Mal asked, concerned.

Zoe had sunk heavily into a chair, looking very tired and drained.

"He lied to me, Mal. Wash lied to me. I coulda talked to him about it, helped him with the memories, and he lied to me. Told me right to my face that he never fought in the War."

"Leaf was my friend and you have no idea how sorry I am that he died, but I haven't done anything wrong in this. I didn't know that it was the same man, though the toys on the bridge should have been a big damn clue. God knows he was the only man crazy enough to have them. If I had known I would have brought it up, you have to believe that. You can't fault me just because I knew him before he ever came onboard and you can't fault me because he apparently lied to you." Lilah said.

"I told you before. You didn't know that it was secret, but it was." River said, looking at her with her head tilted to the side.

"Well, it wasn't vague enough for me, sorry." Lilah said trying hard to keep exasperation out of her voice. Her throat felt raw and her head ached.

"Seems like we owe you an apology, Ms. Linn." Mal said slowly, a sinking feeling in his stomach. "Had no call to go an attack you like that before we knew the facts. We have upon occasion been known to act hastily."

"Oh, keep Kaylee and me out of this," Said Simon incredulously. "And River, too. We weren't in on this."

"I weren't neither!" Jayne protested. "Hell, I was startin' ta think about likin' her."

"Okay, fine then. Inara, Zoe, and myself are horrible and terrible people." Mal said.

"Shiny. Think you could maybe untie me now? Before I lose all manner of feeling in my hands?" Lilah snarked. "You thrive on this stuff, don't you?" She asked Mal.

"Some days on _Serenity_ are more interesting than others." Mal said, taking out a knife to cut the tape that bound her hands behind the chair.

"You all are completely _feng le_. 'Cept maybe Simon, Kaylee and River." She said. "Absolutely barking mad."

"Hey!" Jayne yelled. "I ain't crazy!"

"Jayne, you get sexual about your guns." Lilah said. "That's more than a little not normal."

"How is your head?" Simon asked, moving over to her.

"Oh, once the blinding agony goes away it'll just be moderately painful." Lilah said. "_Gorram_ you've got a strong arm, Zoe."

"We really are sorry about this." Mal said. "If you want to leave after this, we more than understand. And if there's anything we can do to start makin' this up to you…"

"You can start by telling what the hell happened to Leaf and how the hell a ninety-pound girl was able to take out at least a dozen men without so much as scrape on her."

"Suppose we could discuss some of that." Mal said and then perked up a bit. "This mean you ain't leavin?"

"Monty would throttle me if I did. He'd probably say that this was good for building character in that jovial way of his and make me want to run my nails over metal. Meddlesome sap." Lilah answered, taking Simon's arm as he guided her towards the infirmary.

Zoe stopped her and to her credit, Lilah didn't so much as flinch when Zoe touched her arm.

"I shouldn't have hit you. I'm sorry." She forced out.

"Yeah, well. Just don't…do it again. If you feel the need for violence, just shoot me or stab me or…something that doesn't involving me ending up knocked out on the floor."

"That went well." Jayne quipped, to no one in particular.

***

I hope you enjoy! Questions, comments, and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!

GG


	12. Keeping On

**Disclaimer**: Firefly, Serenity, and all related characters are copyright 2002-2005 Mutant Enemy, Inc., Universal Pictures, and 20th Century Fox. This is a work of fanfiction. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary**: The crew begins to pick up the pieces.

**Keeping On: Part 12 – Keeping On  
**

***

Zoe had descended into her bunk and no one heard from her for a few hours. She'd agreed to meet Mal in the mess that night for a drink, but otherwise she ignored the world around her. She picked up a stray dinosaur that was on her nightstand, surveyed it for a moment, and then chucked it as hard as she could across the room. Then she curled up with an old Hawaiian shirt of Wash's and cried.

She had thought that she didn't have any more tears to shed because of Wash. She was wrong.

***

In the infirmary, Lilah had sat quietly as Simon examined her. He'd shone a vicious light into her eyes and had done a scan of her head, worried that the drop to the floor along with Zoe's punch might have caused a concussion. The room had nearly stopped spinning, for which Lilah was eternally grateful.

"Well, Doc, am I gonna live?" Lilah asked.

"Thankfully, the damage seems to be minimal. You'll only be in pain for a few days at best and your black eye will eventually clear up as well. I can give you a pain killer for right now and it might help to avoid harsh light." Simon said.

"Anything else to avoid?"

"Getting hit again." Simon answered wryly.

"Pain killer, please." Lilah held her head, touching around her eye were the skin was soft and tender. _Gonna have to try to not piss her off again. Not that I was aiming to piss her off in the first place._

"Alright, but first you have to promise me something."

"Withholding treatment, Simon? That ain't very doctorly of you."

"Indulge my brief moment of questionable ethics."

"What is it that you want?"

"One of these days you have to tell me how you ended up eating with your flight instructor and his wife while you were naked." Simon said, smiling widely.

"Deal. I'll tell you sooner or later. Now give me the _gorram_ pain killer."

Simon gave her the medicine and took one last look at her left eye, the skin around which was rapidly changing color. He really didn't envy her. _I always knew that it would be prudent to avoid upsetting Zoe._

"How is Kaylee doing? Is she going to be okay?"

"Yeah, Kaylee's going to be fine. She'll be moving back into our bunk tonight." Simon said, and Lilah could detect the relief and love in his voice.

"Good. I'm glad she's alright; she's a sweet girl."

"I'm lucky to have her."

"You really are." Lilah said sincerely.

She left, off to make sure that they were still on their heading.

As she entered the bridge and sat down and checked their screens to make sure that all was well, she reclined back, resting her head gently on the comfortable back of the chair. She contemplated the Black before her and smiled, hopeful that, recent troubles involving being tied up and interrogated aside, one day _Serenity_ would be home.

***

"River, you in there?" Mal knocked on River's door.

He heard some shuffling and then the door slid open, revealing a very haunted looking River. He managed to hold in his sigh; he'd been afraid of this.

"Mind if I come in?"

"It's your ship." She stood back, permitting him entrance into her little room, still mostly bare even after over a year on ship. What décor was there, was sparse. A few drawings of the crew that she had done, and her Reaver axe and sword crossed were all that was hung on her walls.

"I reckon we need to be having words about what went on earlier." Mal said, sitting down on the foot of her bed while she sat cross-legged at the head. He picked at her duvet, not sure how to say what he was thinking.

"You're worried I'll have another breakdown." River said.

"It's crossed my mind, I won't lie. Why'd you do it, River? Random fits of bar fights and slaying Reavers aside, you don't like violence."

River gave a sigh, looking much older than her nearly 19 years.

"When Simon saved me, I was still what they made me. I was a weapon. And then I became a girl again and the weapon disappeared until Miranda set it free. It was there until I took control of it when I fought the Reavers and learned to send it away.

"I'm a weapon underneath the girl skin and bones and blood. I won't ever be able to change it. They taught me to crave the violence, to crave the kill. I can't get rid of those feelings, not completely. I've tried to bury them away, but I can't. All I can do is try my best to adjust and learn to control them." She looked intently at Mal, who was very quiet, pondering her words and cursing for the infinite-something time the demons who'd cut on her brain. "Have to protect the family. I will protect the family."

Mal schooled his face to remain impassive as he considered the full impact of what she was saying. He didn't doubt her intentions for a second.

"Ain't sayin' I'm not grateful, River, because you know that I am. I just don't want you thinking that you have to turn yourself into a killer on account of us. Killing ain't good for the soul."

"Do I still have one?" River asked. "Do I even have a soul?"

"'Course you do. What kinda fool question is that? You not havin' a soul, honestly!" Mal tried to be light about the subject, hoping to distract her.

River simply stared at him, not amused in the slightest.

"Someone as good as you, someone as strong as you has got to have one. You ain't a monster River, and you ain't something to be controlled. You're flesh and blood, just like us. You might got a few very useful skill sets that can be considered scary and creepifyin' upon occasion, but you're a person, actual and whole."

"I wonder sometimes. I remember things that they made me do, what they told me to do, what they told me I am, and I forget. They took stuff away and they put stuff in." She looked directly at him and emphasized her next words. "They _changed_ me."

"That may be, River. Way I see it, you got two options. You let that change be for the worse, or you let that change be for the better."

"Captain is wise sometimes." River said.

"Only sometimes?" Mal asked with not-so-fake indignance.

"Plans go to hell. Say stupid things. End up naked in the desert." River said with a smile. "But you're still the _gorram_ Captain."

"Damn right, I am. And you'd best not forget it, Little Missy!"

They joked around for a few moments, Mal posturing and River trying to keep a straight face as Mal tried to reassert his Captainly dignity. The entire time, though, she was pondering what he had to her earlier.

"You think my skills are useful?" River asked slowly, as if entertaining a thought.

"For the most part, yes." Mal admitted, having a feeling of where this was going to be heading and not liking it one bit.

"I would like to help out on the next few jobs. I want to see how useful I can be." River said.

"I'm not sure how smart an idea that is, River." Mal said gently.

"I heard the Reavers, I can shoot, and I can sense things. I can be useful. You've wanted me to help on jobs before. This isn't any different."

"Doc don't take too kindly to-" River interrupted him.

"When did you begin caring about what Simon wants? I'm of age and I want to help. Simon is my brother, not my father. He's starting to accept it."

That caught Mal's attention.

"That he ain't your father?" He asked confusedly.

"No, that I'm never going to be the River Tam that he used to know and play with. He knows that he can't fix me; can't fix or replace the hardware they added and took away. He knows what I am. And he's starting to accept it."

Mal sighed heavily. He didn't like the idea of River getting hurt, even if he did like the edge that River could give them on jobs. Her abilities were useful and she had been training herself to control it. The secret that had fried her brain was now 'Verse-wide knowledge and as far as he knew, it was one of the biggest obstacles that had been in her way. He also had to acknowledge the fact, however, that she was still going to have problems and challenges to overcome and deep down, he didn't ever think she'd be completely there in the head. But he'd promised that he would help her find her place. He couldn't rightly renege on that promise.

"I suppose you can come on the next few jobs, get yourself wet behind the ears a bit." Mal said. "But you listen to me and Zoe's orders, _dong ma_?"

"_Wu dong_." River said eagerly, before pausing, worried. "Do I have to listen to Jayne?"

"We'll take that on a case by case basis. Man can be pretty stupid at times, but he knows his job damn well." Mal smiled at her.

River cocked her head to the side, suddenly.

"Need to go and clear my mind, need to hide away. Don't want to be found. Will talk with Captain later. Need to be alone." She smiled reassuringly at him and then left him sitting there, slightly confused.

A few moments later, he met Jayne as he slid her door shut.

"Did you need something Jayne?"

"You seen Crazy?" Jayne asked.

"Her name is River, Jayne, not 'Crazy'." Mal said with the exasperation of someone who had to keep repeating himself.

"I know that. You seen her?"

"She and I were talking and then she darted off real sudden-like. Why?"

"No reason, just wanted to have a word with her on the upkeep of them weapons of hers." Jayne muttered.

Mal stared at him half-suspiciously before shrugging it off and telling him that River was bound to be somewhere on the ship.

***

"Crazy? Little Killer Person?" Jayne was looking around the cargo bay, knowing that she was hiding somewhere. "…River?"

He walked around, scanning the area for any clue that she might have passed through or found a place to be alone. He finally found her in a deep corner that was all but concealed by crates and boxes and a lack of lighting. He gave his eyes a second to adjust, and saw that she was sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest and her hair covering most of her face.

"Girl? Why ya hidin'?"

"Jayne was looking for me and I did not want to be found." River said quietly. "I was apparently unsuccessful in my attempts."

"Why didn't ya want to be found? Thought we got along alright, you and me." Jayne said.

"Jayne and I do not get along. Jayne thinks I'm crazy and wants me to go and be crazy where he is not. So I hide and avoid him."

"I didn't mean it, when I snapped at ya before." Jayne said quietly, reaching out to her and feeling as though he had been struck when she flinched away from him.

"Jayne meant it. Not for long, but Jayne meant it at the time. Jayne hacked away at the growing trust and now the bridge has to be erected again. Bridge is gone and will not be coming back, not without time. Can't cross, impossible to cross."

Jayne was quiet as he considered her words.

"Jayne should go and be not crazy and leave the moon-brained, _feng le_ girl to her thoughts."

"Dammit, I said I was sorry."

"No, Jayne didn't."

"Well, I'm sayin' it now! I'ma sorry fer snappin' at ya."

"Please go." It was her voice, small and quiet, more than anything that made Jayne turn and go, leaving her alone.

_Need to learn to keep my mouth shut._ He thought.

***

"I still don't completely trust her, Mal." Inara was saying. She and Mal were sitting in her shuttle, talking over the events of the past day.

"I'm aware of that, Inara. Believe me, I am. But there weren't no call for us to go and jump her like that. Can't fault her for havin' a life before she hired on with us."

"She just…she bothers me, Mal. I can't place it, but she bothers me."

"Well, that may be. But I think that for now we need to give her a chance, we owe her that much. Bein' on the receiving end of a sucker punch from Zoe ain't fun and I don't envy very much that black eye she's gonna have."

"How long do you think she'll stay?"

"Can't rightly tell. But she said she was stayin' for now and hopefully we can convince her not to leave."

"Nothing ever seems to go smoothly here." Inara smiled.

"Be mighty boring if it did." Mal chuckled.

"Do you have your next great heist planned out?" Inara asked.

"Well, we still have that cargo waitin' to be picked up at Greenleaf. And then we gotta drop it off on Beylix." Mal said. "We'll be hitting Greenleaf in about five days."

"That's good time, considering where we are."

"Lilah knows her craft, I'll give her that."

"She _is_ very talented." Inara admitted. "How is Zoe doing?"

Mal sighed. "She's still shaken up a bit. Figured she and I would have a drink tonight, and talk over some things. Woman got an unhealthy dose of shock today and Zoe in shock is not the best thing ever."

"Would you like for me to speak with her?" Inara asked graciously.

"I'm sure she'd appreciate that in the next few days." Mal said, standing to leave. "Shuttle still doin' okay?"

"What? Oh, yes. It's fine. And the rent will be paid for the next two months, as always." Inara said, standing as well. All of a sudden, the former awkwardness between them seemed to return. "Do you need it this week?"

"No, no. No rush. Just thought I'd make sure that you were still, you know, comfortable. In here." He paused. "That you were still comfortable in here."

"I'm good. I'm very, very good."

"Good, good. It's good that you're good. I'd better go and…check on Zoe."

"Please, do."

Mal left, and Inara sat down, feeling relief that the awkward conversation was over.

_Pull it together, Inara. You're a Companion. You should be able to maintain control over every conversation that you engage in. It's no wonder Sheydra and the others were teasing you relentlessly._

***

"Are the pillows okay? Do you need more of them? I can go and get more if you want."

"Simon, _Bao bei_, quit fussin'. I'ma gonna be okay. Just need to sleep for a bit." Kaylee said, lying in bed as she watched her husband-to-be undress.

He'd ushered her to their bunk after he had finished treating Lilah. He'd even gone down first and helped her down the ladder. He'd drawn the covers back for her and had arranged the few pillows they had just the way she liked them.

"It's just…I'm so glad you're all right." Simon smiled helplessly, pushing his pants down and stepping out of them. Kaylee admired the sight of him in nothing but his boxers, thanking her lucky stars that he loved her. He pulled on his sleeping pants and bent to pick up his discarded clothing, folding it neatly and placing it in the hamper, where her clothes had just been flung in carelessly.

"Well, just lay down with me tonight, and that way if something happens, you'll be here to take care of me." Kaylee said, smiling suggestively at him even though she knew full-well that cuddling would be as far as they would go that night.

"I will. But only because you twisted my arm." Simon said, heaving a very put-upon sigh that made Kaylee giggle.

"I love my doctor." Kaylee sighed as she nestled into his embrace.

"I love my mechanic." Simon said, with a yawn.

The couple drifted off to sleep, content in each others' arms.

***

Zoe was already drinking at the table when Mal entered the mess. The jug of alcohol sat next to his mug that Zoe had lain out for him.

"You gonna be okay, Zoe?" Mal asked, sitting down and pouring himself a mug of engine brew. "Normally you wait for me before you start our little parties."

"It's going to take some getting used to, but I'll be fine, I think." She took a long drink and was quiet for long minutes. "He _lied_ to me, Mal."

"Yeah, he did. But he loved you Zoe. We all saw how much he loved you. He wouldn't have lied unless he thought he had a good reason."

"I just wish I knew what it was, Mal."

"Maybe someday we'll figure it out."

Silence was their companion the rest of the night and much like they had done nearly a little over month earlier, they stored the whiskey away, bid each other good night. Heading to their bunks, Zoe finally spoke.

"We still on course for Greenleaf?" Zoe asked.

"Yeah. And after we do the pick-up, we drop it off to the Mendel boys on Beylix."

"So we do the job and then what? What's our next move?"

Mal smiled at Zoe, sincere and open. He reached over and took her hand in his own and squeezed it.

"We do the only thing we can do, Zoe. We keep our family together, and we keep on."

**END**

***

I hope you enjoy! Questions, comments, and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!

GG


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